I Love You, Beyoncé, But I Am Not Wearing Snakes On My Feet

Fresh off her big Super Bowl victory, Beyoncé is taking the next logical step in her athletic career and coming out with a sneaker. The sneaker wedges, designed by PMK, are made from various exotic animal skins including stingray, ostrich, calf hair, crocodile, and anaconda. If you’ve made it this far and are still interested in purchasing yourself a set of “King Bey” kicks, you can do so on the PMK website for $5,500. Personally, I think I’m gonna have to pass. I love you, Beyoncé, but I am not wearing snakes on my feet.

There are many reasons I will not be purchasing myself a pair of “King Bey”s. First and foremost, wedge sneakers and I have a pretty rough history. I’ve sworn them off ever since my sixth grade Candies caused me to fall on my face in front of my middle school crush. Second, I’m just not someone who can rock animal prints, unless we’re talking about Scottie dogs printed on sweaters. Third, purchasing shoes online makes me very nervous. While I’m typically a 7.5, I’ve been known to rock both 7s and 8s. How foolish would it be for me to spend two months pay on shoes that don’t fit?

In all seriousness though, Lady B is catching quite a bit of flak from PETA and other animal rights groups for her new venture. PETA’s official statement reads:

“These custom-made kicks come with a high price and it’s paid by the various animals who were beaten and skinned alive or cruelly farmed and killed. Although most people aren’t as familiar with the types of animals (snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, and ostriches) killed for this single pair of sneakers as they are with the cats and dogs we share our homes with, these animals are highly sensitive living beings who try hard to avoid capture and suffer enormously when trapped, netted, speared, and skinned alive.”

Now, I’m no animal rights activist. I eat meat. I enjoy zoos. I change the channel when those Sarah McLaughlin commercials come on. Under normal circumstances, I would probably cheer for someone killing a snake, stingray or crocodile and I’ve heard ostriches can be real jerks. Yet, PETA brings up an interesting point. If the cute cuddly animals we keep as pets and live stream at work were being trapped, netted, speared and skinned alive, we would be outraged. So, does the fact that we can’t cuddle with snakes, stingrays, crocodiles and ostriches make them any less worthy of our anger? As the wise Tracy Jordan once said, “Freaky deakies need love, too. Freaky deakies need love, too.”

As for Beyoncé, I’m not sure exactly what was going through her head when she approved these sneakers, but I’m choosing to give her the benefit of the doubt, because she’s Beyoncé and I love Beyoncé. Who knows how involved she actually was with the decision making behind these shoes. For all we know, it could have been as simple as someone sending her a picture of the finished product and her responding with a thumbs up emoji. When you’re as busy as Beyoncé you maybe don’t take the time to read the fine print. Or maybe she did and knew exactly what she was doing and did it anyway. I don’t know, despite my best efforts we’re not that close. So, even though I won’t be purchasing a pair of “King Bey”, I’m choosing to live in a world in which Beyoncé is queen, even if she does make a few questionable decisions.

Feature Image found on the PMK Customs site.