I put snail slime on my face in the name of beauty, and this is what happened

I hate snails. They repulse me. They are gooey and easy to accidentally step on and just plain gross. I prefer to keep a distance from them — let those snails live their little snail lives far away from me. But recently, I realized there is something I hate more than snails: wrinkles.

Wrinkles are beautiful and totally natural, FYI. But it’s something that I’m personally self-conscious about, so I’ve been trying to find the perfect product to mitigate the wrinkle sitch on my face (and to prevent ’em from creeping up).

And this is how I discovered it. Snail cream.

There’s been so much hype about face creams made with snail slime, I had to give it a go. The Amazon reviews alone sound like an informercial: “It smooths the skin, closes your pores and my skin looks radiant!” says one. “My skin tone is more even and less inflamed and the fine lines around my eyes have diminished,” gushes another. I’ve put so many bizarre things on my face — what harm could one more do?

I purchased the Korean MIZON All In One Snail Repair Cream ($14.09) because it contains 92% snail mucus extract (but let’s never call it mucus again). My biggest fear was that it would smell like dirt or sludge or actual snails, but I was relieved to find the moisturizer didn’t really have a scent. The only sign that the cream contains snail goo was its slightly gluey consistency. Kind of creepy, but whatever. I tried to compare it to kissing a frog. Sure, it would be slimy, but it could change my life for the better.

The Verdict

MIZON recommends applying the snail repair cream right after cleansing, so I’ve made it the first step in my morning and night routines instead of serum. I’ve been using the cream for over two months now and I am a fan. It immediately, almost miraculously, makes my skin feel softer. I’ve noticed longer term effects, like my pores shrinking on my nose and forehead and the baby crows feet around my eyes becoming less noticeable (or I’m already losing my eyesight in my old age).

Honestly, I’m ready to try more snail slime products. Heck, at this point I would pretty much do anything except rub real life snails on my face. Actually … never say never.