How to kiss better: 6 tips that aren’t super-obvious
Okay — real talk time. As great as kissing is, sometimes it comes with a big dose of pressure. Especially when we’re kissing someone new. And there isn’t a human walking this earth who hasn’t wondered how to kiss better at some time or another.
So if you’re having trouble in the kissing department and have found your way to this article, don’t fret. Many (many) before you have had the same questions and concerns and many (many) people will have them after you.
So in the spirit of discovery, we asked an actual expert about what makes a good makeout, and how one can improve upon their smooching skills. Mary Fisher, a licensed sex therapist and psychotherapist, tells HelloGiggles, “Many people struggle to put words to what they enjoy in a kiss, though many have very strong feelings about what they do not enjoy.”
That being said, there are a few things you can do to make your makeout sessions more satisfying for you and your bae.
1Less is more.
Or at least until the other person tells you otherwise. Don’t just go around smashing your face into your partner’s and shoving your tongue in there. Approach slowly, and incrementally add heat as the session goes on. It’s better to leave ’em wanting more than have ’em thinking, “too much.”
2Think about the other person.
Remember that there’s an actual human being behind those puckered lips. Fisher tells HG:
"Good kissing involves getting to know your partner, and having interest in how you impact them. As such, common kissing complaints include a lack of sensitivity and attunement (e.g., opening your mouth too wide and/or using tongue before your partner is delighted by that), defensiveness and inability to hear about what your partner enjoys and does not enjoy, hygiene issues, including bad breath, and facial hair stubble that can be uncomfortable or even painful."
3Take (and give) constructive criticism.
We know — this can seem crazy embarrassing. But it’s the only way things will get better. And remember: You deserve to ask for what you want. If your S.O. or even your Tinder date is using too much tongue, or nibbling more than you’d like, let them know. If someone’s beard is killing your skin, find a compromise. This is a team sport.
4Focus on the good stuff.
Everyone likes positive reinforcement, so when your kissing partner does something you like, tell them! It might also encourage them to tell you the things you do that they like. And who doesn’t love a confidence boost?
5Remember that it’s not for everyone.
Sadly, kissing is not for everyone. Some people could go without kissing altogether, while others actually need it to rev them up. You have to get on the same page with your partner if things are unbalanced in the kissing department. Fisher tells HG:
"Not everyone enjoys kissing. In fact, only about half of the world kisses for romantic or erotic purposes. So, clearly, it's not required for intimacy. However, if kissing is an important part of intimacy in your culture, or simply for you, talk with your partner about what they might need to bring kissing into your intimacy repertoire. If kissing is strange or unsavory to you, again, talk to your partner about this, and the variety of ways you can feel physically intimate without kissing.
6Stop being so hard on yourself.
Don’t worry too much about whether you’re a good kisser or not when you’re making out with someone. As Fisher says, “My advice is to treat kissing as a skill to be learned not just once; but learned anew with every new kissing partner.”
So just relax, be yourself, and pucker up.