How To Get Banned From A Talk Show: A Primer

In seven easy-to-follow steps, you can be banned from talk shows like a real celebrity.

Step One: Be An A**hole

Jon Stewart told Stephen Colbert that the worst guest he ever interviewed on The Daily Show was Hugh Grant and he would never have him back on. He tells Colbert, “He’s giving everyone s**t the whole time, and he’s a big pain in the ass.” When a clip from Hugh Grant’s latest movie aired during his appearance, the actor said, “What is that clip? It’s a terrible clip.” Stewart retorted, “Well, then make a better f**king movie.”

Step Two: Talk S**t About Famous Talk Show Hosts

Kathy Griffin has been banned, unbanned (Is that even a real word? It doesn’t look right, but spell check says it is – so we’re going with it), and banned again from The View. Griffin is notorious for talking about celebrities in her act and Barbara Walters ain’t having that.

Step Three: Have A Famous Friend Who Hosts A Talk Show Get Mad Because You Get Your Own Talk Show

Joan Rivers was famously banned from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson when she got her own late night talk show. Guess Johnny didn’t like the competition? It didn’t matter too much because the show was quickly cancelled. Just to be an a**hole (see Step One), Jay Leno continued the ban of Joan Rivers for 17 years.

Step #@$^#&*! Four: Swear. A LOT.

Kathy Griffin has been banned by David Letterman for cursing too much in the ’90s. Not learning from Kathy’s wayward ways, Howard Stern’s former sidekick Artie Lange was banned from HBO Sports for swearing a little too much when talking about Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

Step Five: Quit Your Job, Take A New One, Get Bad Ratings, And Then Decide You Want Your Old One Back.

In 2009, Jay Leno quit The Tonight Show and was replaced by Conan O’Brien. In 2010, a mere eight months later Jay Leno wanted his job back and Conan’s contract was bought out for $45 million dollars. O’Brien vowed that Leno would never be a guest on his new TBS show.

Step Six: Set Fire To The Rain, I Mean, Jay Leno’s Couch.

Bobcat Goldthwait was promoting his film Shakes the Clown in 1994 on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno when he pulled out a can of Zippo lighter fluid, doused his chair with it, and set the chair on fire. Jay was unsurprisingly upset about this incident and Goldthwait was banned.

Step Seven: Be Madonna

Piers Morgan banned Madonna before his talk show on CNN ever aired just because he could. She’s banned from is UK show as well just because.

Image via ShutterStock.