How To Creep Out the Creep

Sometimes, us girls like to go out. I’m not talking about clubs; I’m talking innocent walks around outdoor malls, or clearly minding our own business while just looking for the latest issue of Vogue in the nearest bookstore. Then, you decide to explore a little bit more – perhaps check out that book of one of your favorite artist’s work.

Clearly, you do NOT want to be bothered right now. You are just trying to live out your day peacefully when you see HIM approach. You know exactly the HIM I’m talking about – the creepy dude in the neon New Balance sneakers and highwater pants. Your eyes have rolled back in your head a million times as your brain goes into freakout mode. “Why? WHY?!” is all you want to cry out.

Every once in a while, you get a whistle or a “yell”, but nothing beats the uncomfortable feeling of an approach from one of these weirdos who just seems the SLIGHTEST bit (okay, very much) too old to be trying to do this to you right now. They spit their game (or try to) while you look at them with that same confused look they’ve received from every other woman they’ve tried to approach.

How did they muster up the courage for this one? Are they just really confident? Do I not give off that unapproachable vibe anymore, or are they really oblivious to it? Do you think they even notice I’m not listening to them right now because I’m too DISTRACTED by the situation itself to do ANYTHING about it? It’s like you actually almost lose your own mind and voice in the situation because you are SO thrown off by it all.

Here’s where I come to help. Just zone in, ladies, and try to creep out the creep with any of the chosen actions/dialogue.

‘The Minor’

This one is very blunt and to the point. Use it no matter how old you look/are; just fully commit and they’ll most likely leave, unless they are illegally weird. Let them ramble for a little, keep doing that nod thing that we talked about before that’s just human nature, then look at him like you’re in pain or something and just say, “I’m 15.” If you look like a baby (which works in my case even though I’m not a minor), they will probably get uncomfortable and walk away. Some might question their morality first, but only if they’re real weird. Then, of course, if you are a more mature woman, they might laugh at you. Ask them why they are laughing. Get weird and like I said before, COMMIT 100%. No matter what, whether they believe you or not, you seem weird, weirder than them… they will always walk away.

The ‘Eyes On Anything But Them’

This one, again, is very simple and to the point. Nothing is or should be complex in these scenarios from your side. Just look at everything but them, literally. Down, up, around, at your nails, shoes, phone, whatever. You should catch my drift by now, but if you don’t, consider maybe actually being with him because I really don’t know what else to tell you. Good luck, girl – I still think you are cool, no worries.

‘The Fake Phone Call’

Again, this one is literal as hell. You get the point.

And last, but certainly not least:

‘Be Honest’
Many women may find these childish, and maybe not the best way to solve a problem. Lying is not always the best escape, or the right one (boring), so always do what feels comfortable and right to you. If you choose to be honest, just be polite and tell him, “I’m flattered, but I’m not interested; I’m sorry. My boyfriend is in Paris right now, modeling for YSL. He’s actually in this issue of Vogue right now, wanna see?!” (Okay, still lied a little. Okay, a lot. But there was a total genuine approach to it.)

Bottom line is, you know what’s right to do, and I have faith in you.

Featured image via the author