All of your most intimate honeymoon sex questions, answered

Summertime = wedding season. Wedding = honeymoon. Honeymoon = s-e-x. Or does it? Many couples go on their honeymoons with high expectations, and let’s be honest, probably some down and dirty fantasies. You probably have tons of questions about your romantic getaway, too. Does the wedding night have to be all about mind-blowing sex? Will you be having sex 24/7 on your honeymoon? These are all perfectly normal and common honeymoon sex questions to ask. Which is why we wanted to get the answers for you.

Although many of us imagine our honeymoons to be the perfect picture of romance and passionate lovemaking, every relationship and honeymoon experience is different, and sometimes your getaway isn’t always rose-petals-on-the-bed dreamy. There’s fatigue, UTIs, and anxiety to consider. Which is totally okay.

“Honestly, honeymoon sex is what it is: sex on a trip or away from home. It can be amazing, or it can be so laden with pressure that it fails miserably,” said Dr. Laura Deitsch, resident sexologist with Vibrant, an online platform for adult products with proceeds funding Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains. “New beds, pillows, noises, temperatures, time zones, foods, and bugs can make for a restless night’s sleep, so energy and comfort levels have to be taken into consideration.”

There are other factors to consider, too. Here, Dr. Deitsch answers all the honeymoon sex questions you were too afraid to ask — but we weren’t.

HelloGiggles: Is it true that most couples don’t have sex on the wedding night because they’re just too darn tired? And what’s your advice to couples if they’re encountering post-ceremony exhaustion?

Dr. Laura Deitsch: Weddings are usually exhausting exercises in compromise and energy. A pre-wedding night conversation about expectations is a great idea. Let your honey know that if you give them the eye while they are having a fourth whiskey, it isn’t to be a teetotaler. It’s to remind them about your whoopee plans for later.

Maybe take a nap and negotiate ahead of time what the rules are for waking a partner during the night. Maybe as long as it’s after a certain number of hours of sleep? Maybe it’s try twice to rouse them and if they don’t get up, leave them be? Make a pact that you’ll have early morning, lazy, slow sex. Look forward to waking up for a session before brunch. Decide you’ll order breakfast in bed and dessert will be each other.

HG: Can you injure yourself after too much sex?

LD: We can hurt ourselves by having too much sex. It could be as simple as pulled muscles or raw, irritated skin, or as serious as a UTI. The point is, listen to your body. The nooky isn’t going anywhere.

HG: What lube substitutes are safe if couples are in a pinch? Are there any all-natural alternatives?

LD: Lube substitutes are not a great option. Stay clear of anyone claiming coconut oil is body safe. For many women, it simply isn’t. Saliva is a great lube substitute. But the honeymoon should also be about exploration, patience, and learning each other’s bodies. Try a little longer to arouse a partner’s natural juices. If not during this special time, when?

HG: Should we bring a sex toy on the trip? How do we avoid embarrassing airport situations?

LD: Sex toys are a great way to spice things up, and lots of folks have them as part of their regular routine. Having a conversation about them ahead of time isn’t a bad idea, however. Some people are uncomfortable with toys, and a surprise could make for an awkward conversation and hurt feelings. Any toy might be removed for further inspection from a carry-on, but I say let your freak flag fly and if the agent tries to make you feel uncomfortable, look them straight in the eye and tell them you know where they can order one.

HG: What if one partner wants to have more sex than the other on their honeymoon?

LD: Ask about what need the sex is fulfilling. Is it intimacy? Is it physical touch? Is it release? I bet there are lots of ways to fill these needs without actual intercourse. Also, if a partner is pushing the other for more sex, that doesn’t sound like enthusiastic consent to me, and that’s a red flag. See if cuddling, massage, hand manipulation, or fantasy sharing could meet the need expressed. There are so many alternatives to actual intercourse that this shouldn’t be an issue if you are creative and respectful.

HG: How can women prevent a urinary tract infection from too much sex?

LD: Lube lube lube. Also, there is something to be said for those cranberry pills and drinking some cranberry juice occasionally on the trip. Make sure never to move anything — finger, toy, penis, anything — from the anal area back to the vaginal area. This is a common way to introduce pesky bacteria into the urinary tract and get an infection.

Also, urinate before and right after sex. It helps flush out the fluids. Drink plenty of water in order to be able to pee a lot. Rough sex can cause irritation no matter how careful a couple is. If a partner has a history of common UTIs, a doctor can prescribe some preventive meds to take immediately after sex to help stave off another infection. Check with your health care provider to see if they will do this.

HG: What are some tips for how to prioritize sex — during and after the honeymoon?

LD: Sex should be a component to a healthy relationship. It’s important, but not more important than friendship, support, and trust. Some couples reserve sex for once or twice a month, but it’s important to them. Others might get it on several times a week but not really see it as that profound. Communication, honesty and vulnerability are key here. Open up, share, listen. If the sex is less than stellar, talk to your honey. You’ve hopefully got your whole lives to find those magical times!

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