Here are the guys you should never date, according to Anna Faris

We think it’s probably safe to get advice about guys from Anna Faris — after all, the actress has been (successfully) married to Chris Pratt since 2009, and they’re rock solid. We’re especially intrigued by the dating advice that Anna Faris mentioned on Conan last night — it’s a bit thought-provoking, and she’s got that “big sister” vibe about her. We just believe she’d never truly lead us astray on these important matters.

In case you didn’t know, Faris actually has her own podcast, called Anna Faris is Unqualified. But, based on the credentials she offers up, we have to disagree.

"I am a solid 3.4 student with a major in English from the University of Washington. I've also been asked what my SAT score was and it was 1060. It only took five years of dorm/rave life for me to accrue the life knowledge I have received," Faris states.

Watch below, and absorb some of her excellent advice on the types of men you should avoid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vv6SXrobgQ?feature=oembed

So, uh. Bad news for musicians, magicians, athletes, and chefs. But we get where she’s coming from.

"I enjoy a good magician every now and again," Faris admits. "In my daily life, do you want somebody who's like, 'I'm not telling you my secrets...'"

Classical musicians are fine for Faris, unless they’re first chair. So, that means that in real life, Faris might have steered clear of the fictional Andy Dwyer.

(Surely she would have rocked out to Mouse Rat every once in awhile.)

The most puzzling on the list is probably chef — even Conan is a little surprised.

"In my experience...the kitchen cultivates an environment of anger," Faris clarified.

Even though we’re definitely curious to learn more about how Faris figured all of this out (since there has to be more than just Hell’s Kitchen to back up this claim) hey — we’re happy finding a guy who has no problem just ordering a pizza with us every weekend.

At the very end, it seems like her dream guy might be Nick Offerman. We’re sure that Pratt would stand behind this, if anything were to happen in the future.

To hear more advice from Anna Faris, you should tune into her podcast — or, grab a copy of her book, Unqualified, which will be coming out shortly.