This guy thought adult “Harry Potter” fan fiction was the real thing, and we’re dying laughing
Normally we recoil in shock when we learn that people haven’t read Harry Potter. Yet we can totally forgive this one guy who, in an attempt to read the Harry Potter books for the first time, actually took a deep dive into erotic Potter fan fiction.
Now, we know that the Potter franchise is worth billions (literally), which is why it should come as no surprise that there is some rather intense fan interaction with the series. We know for a fact (because we’ve read it), that some of the fan fiction can get pretty explicit, and there’s even a podcast that pays tribute to NSFW Potter smut.
Twitter user Shelley Zhang shared a hilarious interaction she had with her friend Chris Chappell, who seemed to find himself reading a very alternative version of what happened to our favorite wizards and witches Hogwarts.
"Friend is reading Harry Potter for the first time. He suddenly realizes he's read a fanfiction Order of the Phoenix instead of the real one," Shelly wrote, before accompanying the tweet with screen shots of her text conversations with Chris.
Friend is reading Harry Potter for the first time. He suddenly realizes he's read a fanfiction Order of the Phoenix instead of the real one. pic.twitter.com/tKNgT6usi6
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 10, 2017
Not only are there some pretty weird deviations from the plot (aka Dudley killing himself), but it also appears that this bootleg version of The Order of the Phoenix was sexually explicit, too, and involved things like fake rape scenes between Ginny and Draco.
I had to burst his bubble about Ginny and Draco, unfortunately. pic.twitter.com/DKKdC5jdA4
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 10, 2017
Things continued to get even stranger from there. In Chris’ version of the story, Hermione was sending Harry pictures of herself in a bikini. And, oh, there’s even necrophilia in the story, too.
A handy guide to recognizing fanfic: Lots of sex=probably fanfic. pic.twitter.com/HiWkfWboGa
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
I think this is the point when he started having a breakdown pic.twitter.com/ZGPJ9MBBLF
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
In fact, Chris shared a rather graphic sex scene with Shelley, which is when the realization that none of this was authentic finally hit.
Yes, hindsight is 20/20 pic.twitter.com/PNeime0Ceq
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
It's good to know that fanfic is responsible about sex ed. I think. pic.twitter.com/mo3TAtQDJz
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
That’s not to say that the story that Chris was reading totally deviated from the original. Neville’s parents were still sadly tormented by Voldemort and his followers, and Snape’s story is (sort of) the same…
Some stuff that wasn't quite true, but wasn't…exactly not true? Also, LOL at Harry getting all muscled from running. Very detailed. pic.twitter.com/oJyqXO2tKS
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
Nobody spoil what happens with Snape, ok? pic.twitter.com/y8IAfnEwO1
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
Although there were a lot of things that couldn’t be further from J.K. Rowling’s story.
When you slowly get won over by the fanfic pic.twitter.com/o91WLEikPE
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
Reality sinks in pic.twitter.com/KY8YynzSaJ
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
Chris, however, was pretty optimistic about the whole thing, even if Shelley couldn’t resist trolling him a little bit…
And then you start wondering if you'd rather just live in the delusion pic.twitter.com/0C8ryN9peR
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
When you realize your ship doesn't sail pic.twitter.com/pjTeskoKf0
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
Ok, I couldn't resist pic.twitter.com/ABJNuFiO63
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
From the sounds of it, Chris has been on one heck of a magical (and erotic) adventure with this fan-written Harry Potter book. Hopefully, if he decides he wants to go back and see what Rowling actually had in store for the characters, he won’t be too disappointed by how things turned out.
Either way, this is probably one of the funniest things that we’ve ever read in our lives, and we’ll treasure it as if it was the golden snitch itself.
