6 Ways to Move On From Your Ex in 22 Days Like Gisele Bündchen
The supermodel superstar is wasting no time creating a new life outside of what she had with her football player ex-husband.
Supermodel Gisele Bündchen and Tampa Bay Buccaneers football star Tom Brady are officially divorced as of Oct. 28, 2022, after nearly 13 years of marriage. It seems like the pair is wasting no time moving on from each others’ lives, with sexy vacations and big game wins occupying much of the former couple’s time.
We’re loving how Gisele especially is flying through the post-breakup stage and figured there were a few things every person could learn from her skills and techniques.
Here are a few ways to get over your ex in the chillest way possible (hint: make sure you have enough money to buy at least one mansion).
1. Book a hot vacation
The Revenge Trip is such a real thing, and Gisele took full advantage of it when she whisked her kids off to Costa Rica for three weeks of fun in the sun. It was a well-deserved, post-divorce break — especially because she wasn’t with the fam in the Bahamas this past August during her ex-husband’s football hiatus.
So book that trip with a group of your besties, or go solo for an independent retreat. Nothing is more satisfying than lying on the beach in a bikini for several hours a day, replacing the sound of your nagging ex with the sound of the waves.
2. Find a new sport
Seeking out new activities can help you get over an ex super quickly, and lots of hot people do sports, so it’s an easy way to find a new fling.
Folks were tipped off that there was trouble in paradise when Gisele wasn’t present to support her football player husband’s un-retirement opening game. The Brazilian supermodel has become more interested in martial arts, going as far as to bring her children’s Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor, Joaquim Valente, on vacation as well.
Though inside sources swear the two are not an item, we’re sure Gisele slept better knowing there was a hunk nearby, ready to defend her and her family… and whatever else may have been required.
3. Buy several houses
Why buy one new house when you can buy a second one just miles from there? Rack up those mansions and designate a different purpose for each one to quickly get over your relationship woes!
Say you want to have a bit of privacy: go for something small, like the three-bedroom, three-bathroom home near Miami Beach the supermodel bought earlier this year — a possible sign she was heading to Splitsville.
But if that’s not enough, you can also buy a mansion practically across the street from your ex’s pad, too. Page Six reported that Gisele bought another Miami Beach home, this time a mansion worth $11.5 million, that is so close to Tom Brady’s Billionaire Bunker, the two could swim to each other.
It’s likely to make co-parenting a little easier, but we hope Gisele is watching her ex’s home being built at a snail’s pace from the comfort of her own backyard pool.
4. Have your aura cleansed
A cold shower just won’t cut it — you’ve got to get rid of all the bad energy in and around you in order to attract the new hotties who will enter your life.
Giselle opted for a self-described professional spiritual healer named Dr. Ewa Wieruszewska, who, according to the Miami Herald, cleansed the supermodel’s car with sage.
You can likely get away with a sustainably-sourced palo santo, or have fun with a tarot deck. The key is to believe.
5. Get on all the magazine covers
She may have retired from runway modeling, but the Brazilian bombshell is definitely not camera shy. Gisele has several ad deals and recent magazine features with brands like IWC Watches, Dust Magazine, V Magazine, and several international covers for Vogue, Elle, and more.
When you’re one of the most beautiful women in the world, you can easily make your ex see what he’s missing by flooding magazine stands with your image. Even if you don’t have a magazine deal, a few selfies in some confidence boosting outfits will give you a similar effect.
6. Carry an emotional support pillow
It’s tough to go from 13 years of cuddles and hugs to virtually nothing, so grab your favorite pillow and give it a squeeze when the post-breakup blues start to set in.
The supermodel was photographed getting out of a cab in New York City clutching a large pillow, trying to fool paparazzi into thinking it was for “sleeping on the plane” (girl, we know they give out pillows in first class) but we know it’s really just a tool for emotional support.