You can buy this giant 3-pound cinnamon roll for $5 to drown your sorrows

File this under: Things We Never Knew We Needed But, Like, Really Need. You can now buy a 44-ounce cinnamon roll, according to Delish. Yep, we told you this was good.

Be warned, though — when you see this baby, your life will be permanently altered. If you’re imagining some kind of watered down, Cinnabon-inspired cake, let us stop you right there. The good folks at Sam’s Club have outdone themselves. This really is just a massive cinnamon roll, complete with drippy white globs of frosting.

It is essentially the foodie equivalent of lighting a Diptyque and wrapping your body in a warm blanket while the temperatures outside dip below zero. ‘Tis is the season of warm, gooey desserts, after all.

Guys…this is a 44 ounce cinnamon roll. Would you trade in traditional holiday desserts for giant cinnamon rolls? SAME.
@KrysonCJAY pic.twitter.com/mMlOKA0gMC

— CJAY 92 (@CJAY92) November 2, 2017

Hello love, welcome to our stomachs.

This sucker apparently feeds 14, aka is “the equivalent of about six cans of Pillsbury’s original refrigerated cinnamon rolls,”according to Today, but we call shenanigans on that number.

You can pry it out of our cold, dead hands before we’ll share it with one person, let alone 14 someones.

Me- "I'm trying to eat healthier"
Also Me- Buys a giant cinnamon roll from Sams Club that's the size of a cake. pic.twitter.com/lh7EojpZGO

— Carrie (@simplycarrie13) May 21, 2017

Sam’s Club has actually been quietly owning your sweet tooth with mammoth cakes and pies for a while now. Delish reports that the chain previously carried a pumpkin cheesecake that clocked in at 72 ounces. Pity they discontinued that one before Thanksgiving.

There is also a 72-ounce apple pie or a 54-ounce triple chocolate bundt cake currently available at the Sam’s Club online store. (And they said Momofuku Milk Bar’s birthday cake was as good as it gets.)

You can purchase this gargantuan cinnamon roll for approximately $5 through the end of 2017. We bet your teeth hurt just thinking about it. And yeah, dessert is basically canceled next year.