How to transition from “friends with benefits” to official relationship status

When it comes to friends with benefits, turning a no-strings-attached relationship into something more is complicated but not impossible. Especially when the two people involved are already close friends. However, there’s definitely some finesse that’s needed once you’ve decided to upgrade your casual fling to Actual Thing.

If you’ve recently realized that you’ve developed some real feelings for your FWB and now want a committed relationship, here’s what you can do in order to transition from “doing it” to “dating.”

1Speak up


The most obvious way to get what you want in any situation is to just ask for it. However, approaching your sex buddy in a way that places pressure and expectations on them is not going to give you the results you’re looking for, either. Instead, discuss your feelings in an open way that allows your partner to do the same. As much as you might want an answer right away, walking away from the conversation without a decision may give your FWB the opportunity to come to the same conclusion on their own.

2Keep your sex life poppin’


We assume that if you’re longing for a real relationship with your friend with benefits, part of the reason is because the sex is so good. If it’s not, or if your sexual chemistry is just so-so, perhaps you should reevaluate why it is you want to take the relationship to the next level.

3Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability


There seems to be an implicit rule that when you’re having sex with a friend, you have to play it cool and not accidentally let any feelings or emotions slip out. But that’s simply not true. If you’re interested in turning this into a relationship, it’s important to be open and vulnerable. Never feel like you have to apologize for being honest.

4Use terms of endearment


Friends, even ones who have sex, generally don’t call each other “babe” or “honey” or any other kind of term of endearment. If you and your FWB are using affectionate terms of endearment, perhaps there are some real feelings beneath the surface.

5Make plans outside of the bedroom


If you’re not already hanging out in the daylight hours, it’s time to change that, stat. If you and your FWB can enjoy hanging out on a weekend afternoon, sans nookie, it bodes well for your relationship as a committed couple.

6Continue to swipe right


As much as you might want to make things official with your FWB, know that you can’t hold a torch for this person. Continuing to date other people (or at least leaving yourself open to meeting someone else), will help you be able to look at the situation honestly and figure out exactly what you want in the long-term.