How I mended a break-up with an old friend

There never is a good time to reconnect with a friend. One of my best friends in high school was named Shelby. We aren’t friends anymore. It didn’t end on good terms either. We’d each had a growing disdain for the other and we’d both spent time talking behind the other’s back.

Shelby had been my friend for several years. I had considered her my best friend and I know she did too. One time, we sang Pocahontas songs in the rain at an amusement park. We were tight. We met when we were both plates in a musical together. Our silliness meshed so well that it was inevitable we would become friends.

When college happened for her and not me, (I was a year younger) we started drifting apart. We didn’t see each other anymore. It was rough. Something as simple as me not visiting her when she was in town deepened the rift between us.

The end of our friendship has always made me feel sad. This person, who I spent years making memories with, stopped being my friend over trivial fights. We never spoke anymore, and when we did, it was with a venomous undertone.

Shelby finally wrote me a letter at the end of all the petty fights and snide remarks. She told me that she couldn’t be Facebook friends with me because it was too painful and that she didn’t know what happened. Truthfully, I didn’t know what had happened either, but my pride stopped me from responding. I think I might have rolled my eyes and thinking of that tears me apart.

It has since been four-ish years since then and thinking about the situation makes my stomach hurt. That version of me was a child and acted like a child. I know everyone has regrets, and this was one of mine. We had had an amazing friendship that I had an active part in ending. That didn’t settle well with me.

Thankfully, I took initiative in a better way this time. I reached out to her on Facebook. I wrote the letter this time. I didn’t ask for an apology, and I didn’t want her to make me feel better. I just wanted her to know that I cherished our friendship and, should she ever be in town again, I wouldn’t say no to a coffee invite.

The most beautiful thing happened. She immediately told me that she was crying and so happy I wrote to her. This made me cry as well. We set up a time and video chatted and both of us felt a weight lift off of our shoulders. We never realized the effect this bad blood had on us and to finally talk again was amazing.

I know this might have only happened because of who we are and our circumstances; but I don’t want anyone to think this can’t happen to them. Sometimes, especially if you were young, the end isn’t always the end. Sometimes it’s the beginning of a beautiful reconnection with an old friend.

Danielle is a journalism student at the University of Kansas. She has a passion for writing and reading, but not arithmetic. After three semesters of Italian she can only remember, ‘mangiare’ which is the verb ‘to eat’. For more of her silliness, catch her on twitter @SwellDanielle2

[Image via Universal Pictures]