Five questions we still have for “Peter Pan”

I have so many childhood memories of watching different versions of Peter Pan over and over again (shout-out to the 1960 live-action TV version, starring Mary Martin as Peter), dreaming that someone would come and take me away so I could fly away for a while and hang out with mermaids. Most of those viewings were of the 1953 Disney animated version, because the music was amazing and it was the only cartoon version I knew of. Plus, Disney can do no wrong.

And even now, it seems like there’s a new version of Peter Pan in the theatres or on television every other year. But it’s no mystery why, considering the themes behind J.M. Barrie’s original play and subsequent novel are nothing short of wondrous. And though the “We all have to grow up sometime” theme has been done many times throughout Disney’s history (notably in Finding Nemo), Peter Pan was probably the first – and, in my opinion, the best.

But I still have some questions about the strictly non-fairy-dust aspects of this movie, so here are this week’s “Five questions we still have for,” starring Peter Pan.

Did Tinker Bell secretly have intense strength?

Tinker Bell is definitely the fiercest and strongest character in the movie, but that latter part is only figuratively. She is a tiny fairy, after all – and she’s presented in a way that tells the audience what she lacks in physical strength, she makes up for in sass.

So please, Disney, explain to me how she successfully pulls a 12-year-old human girl backwards, BY HER HAIR, before letting he kiss the guy she’s crushing on.

I know the whole “Adrenaline takes over in times of crises” thing is real, but there’s only so far that can go. I’m not going to be able to lift a building if I’m really angry, because I’m not the Hulk. Tinker Bell? She might actually be She-Hulk. She DOES wear green, after all, and Marvel and Disney are a partnership now…I’d watch this crossover.

How did John’s hat stay secure all the time?

OK, so we’re supposed to suspend our disbelief in magical elements like pixie dust and a shadow being able to reattach to a person by sewing it on. That’s fine. It is Disney, after all. But it’s pretty obvious that middle Darling child John’s top hat holds no magical powers a la Frosty the Snowman’s, so how in the world does it stay on his head when he’s flying?

Also, somewhat related: Why does Peter elect John leader of the Lost Boys like, immediately? There are definitely boys in that group who’ve put in more time and effort, and are at least John’s age. How do none of them object to this? Like sure, John is mature, but if we’re being honest, he’s also new to the whole outdoors thing and a little bit of a brown-noser. I’d be mad. But I guess after seeing the power Peter has in banishing people, it’s hard to argue.

What is Wendy’s hairstyle, exactly?

The best way I can describe Wendy’s hair is organ pipes. No matter how long I stare at it, I can’t figure out what it is or how it’s even possible that she got it to look that way.

Is it curls that I just don’t understand? Pieces of a mop? Does she actually have a pixie cut (which would be irony) with clip-in ponytail extensions that were all the rage circa 1900?

Why does every girl in this movie have a thing for Peter?

So Wendy, Tinker Bell, Tiger Lily, and the mermaids all have a serious crush on Peter Pan. Which I sort of get – I mean, dude shows up, says he can help you fly, actually follows through (without drugs/alcohol), saves people, etc. But in reality, he’s actually sort of a jerk. The first thing we even hear him say is, “Girls talk too much.” And all Wendy says before introducing herself by her full name – and after Peter cuts her off to say, “Wendy’s enough” – is, basically, “Oh, sorry.” And then he tells Wendy he likes her stories because they’re all about him.

Nah. I especially can’t see how Tink feels this way, as she is obviously an independent woman (which, by the way, I really don’t think she’s in Peter’s age range, but what do I know?).

There are lots of Lost Boys to choose from, and also probably just some random Never Land citizens we never meet who would bring way less drama. You can do better, ladies.

What IS the relationship between Hook and George Darling?

Since the original play, George Darling and Captain Hook have been traditionally played by the same person. The same actor voiced the two characters in the Disney animated film, and the 2003 live-action film is another example – both characters were played by Jason Isaacs.

But does it go deeper than being a convenient way to save on payroll? Judging from the way George reacts at the end of the movie when he sees Hook’s ship in the clouds, I’m thinking so.

Is Captain Hook HIS DAD/the Darling children’s grandad!? Gasp. That’d be really cool, but I might just still be in postulation mode from the whole Rey Kenobi-Skywalker theory.