Five questions we still have for “Cinderella”

When we hear “Cinderella,” we think fairy tale, ball gown, and love at first sight. This is why Cinderella’s titular protagonist is the most widely adored and iconic Disney Princess, even though she wasn’t the first – she was actually the second Disney Princess to grace the screen after Snow White. Cinderella is unfailingly kind through the worst of adversity, and influences us all to be optimistic and think positively – because if we do, all our dreams will come true.

Now in the real, non-animated world where we don’t wake up in a full face of perfect makeup with birds waiting to help us get dressed, we know it takes a little more than that, but the sentiment in Cinderella’s message is solid and beautiful nonetheless. Though Cinderella isn’t my favorite of the Disney Princesses, I completely understand why she is the most highly lauded.

I do have a few bones to pick with her movie, though. So here’s this week’s list of “Five questions we have for,” starring Cinderella.

Why did Cinderella’s dad think it was a good idea to marry Lady Tremaine?

So we know Cinderella’s dad was generally a good guy who just wanted a mother figure for his only daughter after his wife passed away. That’s understandable. But where did he meet Lady Tremaine, and what in his right mind made him think marrying a woman with zero compassion for his child, two extremely rude daughters, and a cat named Lucifer was a good decision?

It’s also never stated how Cinderella’s dad died, but considering he never prepared a will (obviously) and Lady Tremaine was already a widow when she married him, it makes me wonder if Lady Tremaine had a hand in the deaths of her husbands. Where is the CKPD (Charming Kingdom Police Department)? I’d 100% watch that episode of Forensic Files.

What is with the stepsisters’ matching outfits?

Anastasia and Drizella are constantly bickering and competing with each other. Why, then, do they wear matching outfits 24/7, from their everyday garb to their pajamas? And also, why are their getups for this fancy ball pretty much the same as their regular clothes? The only difference is they stuck feathers in their hair. If you want to stand out, you gotta try a little harder, ladies. I hear Fairy Godmothers are in vogue now. You might want to look into that.

Why didn’t the glass slippers disappear at midnight?

Speaking of Fairy Godmothers…so the magic wears off at midnight. Fine. But what’s so special about Cinderella’s glass slippers that they’re immune to this rule and last seemingly forever?

Is it because they were conjured out of thin air as opposed to made from a transformed object, a la Cinderella’s dress and coach? If so, why didn’t the Fairy Godmother just magic everything out of thin air in the first place to circumvent the time-limit thing? She would’ve also saved the stress of having to find animals to turn into the coachmen, horses, etc. on a moment’s notice.

How is Cinderella the only girl in the whole kingdom with that size foot?

Unless Cinderella had a foot deformity (and somehow I doubt it), there had to be SOME other maiden in the kingdom whose foot fit in that slipper before the Duke got to the very last house on his route. There’s no way someone else’s foot didn’t at least technically fit, even if that shoe was a tiny bit snug or loose – which it could’ve been on Cinderella, too, for all Prince Charming knew. She could’ve just been hiding her pain really well at the ball. Been there, girl.

On a related note: Why did the Duke so easily believe that the other slipper Cinderella conveniently had on her was an exact match for the one that shattered? She could’ve secretly been an expert glass blower. But then again, when you try to find a girl by putting shoes on random feet without looking at faces first, you’re probably not gonna ask a lot of questions.

Are the girl mice all identical siblings?

So, yeah, the female mice in this movie? They have zero physical characteristics that distinguish them from one another, aside from their differently colored outfits.

Normally, I’d chalk this up to Disney just being Disney, but the boy mice all look kinda different – especially Jaq and Gus Gus. So what’s actually going on here? Was this lazy animating? Or are they all identical sisters a la the Bimbettes from Beauty and the Beast? Either way, we commend their skills in sewing and generally getting shiz done.