Field Guide to “Frumpterable”
The novelty of wearing high heels is inversely proportionate to how much those heels hurt your feet. Sure, I’ve envied those girls who forwent that extra hour of sleep to look presentable publicly–and why not? They take the time and make the effort to squeeze their bodies into the sexiest body contouring clothes out there. The truth, however, is that I am a full-time Frumplestiltskin. I like dressing in comfortable clothes, but I also try not to look like I’m headed home after a high school gym class. Enter: Frumpterable dressing. Here’s a guide to a cozy–yet not hideous–wardrobe:
Flowiness is Your Friend.
Restrictive tops are the #1 enemy of a frumpterable lifestyle. Your goal from here on out is to feel like you’re wearing a blanket over your undergarments. Printed ponchos, baggy button-downs, and oversized sweaters are your new go-tos. These are easy enough to dress up with a side braid or a nice necklace, but still comfortable enough that an unexpected burrito lunch won’t put your ensemble in limbo.
All Hail Spandex.
If your clothes must fit your form, they might as well stretch. What if you drop your keys on the ground and you have to bend over to pick them up? You gonna bend at the knees like a rookie? Or are you going to have enough give in your bottoms to bend at the waist a la Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney? The world is your jeggings oyster. Go buy all the colors, patterns and textures and never look back.
Be Short.
Long legs are coveted in every culture it seems. We LOVE them. We love the way heels give the illusion of height, leg length, and muscle definition. What we should be more focused on though, is the damage that wearing heels has on our feet, knees, and joints. Heels hurt. I’ve worn heels ranging from $20-$200 and guess what? THEY. ALL. HURT. If you’re going to be a frumpshionista, you gotta give up the height. There are so many cute styles of ballet flats, ankle boots, loafers, and sneakers that there’s no excuse to put your feet through unnecessary anguish.
Totes MaGotes.
A Frumpterable wardrobe demands that form follow function. So while tiny clutch bags may be all the rage, they sure don’t allot the space needed for carrying your stuff around. Get a fashionable backpack that can handle your wallet, your water bottle, your makeup, your hair brush, your business cards, and whatever else you feel like holding today. No one has ever insulted my choice to carry a leather backpack, but lots of ladies praised me for having extra space when they needed to store something at a bar.
Accessorize Like Your Life Depends on It.
Cute and cozy can co-exist. If you take the plunge into this territory, please note that jewelry is encouraged. You can dress up any outfit with a pair of hoop earrings, a statement necklace, a hat, or a shiny watch. These items will make your look totally polished even when you’re frumped out.
What are your favorite ways to dress up when you’re dressed down?
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