Anna Gragert
February 04, 2016 8:08 pm

We’re just going to come right out and say it: we’re tired of people policing what women wear. If all the content instructing women on what they should and shouldn’t wear were to disappear right this very second, we wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. Not. A. Single. Eyelash.

Warner Bros. Television / Giphy

Be that as it may, it seems that we’ve met our match.

Twitter user Molly Manglewood (or @undeadmolly) recently posted a list featuring the “Top 20 things NO WOMAN Should Wear after 30” and, honestly, it’s the perfect parody.

You’re right, Molly! No woman should ever wear an untested jetpack. That’s just plain unsafe. Same goes for the shirt made of wasps, booty shorts with military secrets written on the butt, and the mohair sweater that is currently on fire. (Also, please remind us to do away with our cursed amulets because, Molly’s right, we’re too old to be dealing with hexes.)

20th Century Fox Television / Giphy

While Molly’s list is a perfect example of social media satire, it’s also important to remember one thing: ridiculous lists like this actually exist. I mean, some people truly believed that Molly was being serious, so that must say something about our society, right? Before even reading a numerical list like that, people take one look at the title and get defensive. Because they’ve seen lists like this before and, well, they’re neither funny nor accepting.

Broadway Video / Giphy

On the other side of the spectrum, many Redditors had a field day with this list, coming up with the most comical responses they could think of. One wrote, “Listen, I’m turning 32 this year and they can pry my military secrets booty shorts from my cold, dead ass.” Another quipped, “Good to know I can still wear my meat tunic as long as there aren’t any feral dogs around.”

MTV / Giphy

Our favorite: “Looks longingly at shirt made of wasps. Puts it away.”

So, the moral of the story is: unless someone is wearing something like, say, a full suit of armor in a pool, it’s never okay to police what women wear.

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