Jonathan Zipper
June 22, 2013 4:00 pm

Throughout the month of June, cities around the United States celebrate LGBT Pride Month. Could it be just a coincidence that this middle week of the month also began with a celebration of all the daddies out there, both sugar and otherwise? Well, yeah. That’s pretty much all it is.

With the solstice now come and gone, the days are about to get shorter. Soak up the sun! Oh wait, but before you do, enjoy this edition of “The Week In WHAT?!

Probably Not What Hall & Oates Had In Mind

If you’re already deathly afraid of or simply disgusted by spiders, then here’s another reason why the creepy crawlers are — uh — CREEPY. As part of the post-coital mating process, female dark fishing spiders will mutilate the genetalia of their male counterparts. Then, they become man-eaters. LITERALLY. Sometimes, the men don’t even get to fulfill their sexual desires before death. When a female dark fishing spider believes her suitor has not performed successfully in the foreplay department, she’ll devour him. Again, LITERALLY. By the way, the expected foreplay is practically 90 minutes of gentle massage. Cheers to girl power!

Introducing The Milky Way’s Next Bustling Metropolis

Dreaming of the day when you can catch the Friday red-eye space shuttle back to your pied-à-terre on Mars? It’s time to stake out the perfect plot of land for your red planet bungalow. Get ready for the destination of the future with the never-before-seen 1.3 billion pixel panorama view of Mars courtesy of NASA. That little Curiosity rover sure knows how to use its iPhone, huh? Whether you’re looking for a spot in the windy “Rocknest” region or a hidden hideaway near Mount Sharp, there’s something for everyone on Mars. Who else is champing at the bit for House Hunters: Intergalactic?

Crime Is Fashion, Darling

Calling the polizia di stile! Italian design duo Dolce & Gabbana are in some unsavory trouble that could land them in a matching set of striped jumpsuits. Judge Antonella Brambilla sentenced Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana to 20 months of jail time after the pair was convicted of tax evasion. Italy’s Tax Commission previously handed them a $440 million fine. D&G plan to appeal, but if there’s anything that could make “going away” look high-end and fashionable, it’s these two. Next year in Paris: prison chic, c’est la vie!

A Tainted Love of Antioxidants

A smoothie a day keeps the doctor away? Not so fast, according to one unlucky Californian. Diego Durrell says he contracted hepatitis A from Townsend Farms’ organic antioxidant blend of frozen berries, which he purchased at Costco. To make matters worse for the wholesale giant, Durrell’s claim is backed by over 118 people across eight states who also fell ill after eating the same berries. Townsend Farms instituted a voluntary recall for the lot of potentially tainted products. Remember, healthy is healthy — except when it’s not.

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

Image via betterthanedward.com.

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