Save Suri!: 10 Reasons Why Suri Cruise Should Stay Off the Big Screen
Suri Cruise is many things: Fashion icon. Humanitarian. Daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
As she gets older and more in the public eye (especially after her parents divorce), like any celebrity, she is praised and ridiculed. Unfortunately, she was even called the c-word. Not cool, Internet. Not cool.
As a self proclaimed pop culture expert (after years of reading expired US Weeklies at countless nail salons and absorbing Entertainment Weeklies cover to cover since I could read), I have to say: leave Suri alone!
In a recent interview, Tom Cruise said there is no pressure for Suri to follow in his footsteps. Cruise claims he will support all of his kids in whatever they want to do. Personally, I’m a little disappointed this statement was not made while Tom was jumping up and down on a couch, but we can’t win them all.
I couldn’t help but wonder: if Suri decided she wanted to be a pole dancer, and handbag designer or a Kardashian, would Tom still support her? I hope Tom Tom keeps his word. But just in case, here are 10 reasons to keep Suri off the big screen. #SaveSuri
1.) Her Fashion Career
Suri Cruise is a fashion icon. She’s been wearing heels since she could walk and apparently even dresses Katie. It’s obvious fashion is Suri’s true calling.
2.) Two Words: Lindsay Lohan
If Suri does, in fact, want to become an actress, I just hope she doesn’t follow the careers of Lohan or Bynes. Yes, there are a few exceptions, but if tabloids have taught us anything, it’s that child stars + drugs + social media + the paparazzi = rock bottom.
3.) All Celebrity/Entertainer Families Are Kind of Weird
The Smiths. The Jacksons. The Sinatras. Usually in an all celebrity/entertainer family, there’s always at least one member that doesn’t really want to perform but is doing it because they really don’t have any other choice. How many of the Jackson 5 went on to pursue successful musical careers? Exactly. Or the Sinatras? Sure, you’ve heard of Nancy Sinatra, but how about Frank Sinatra Jr.? Did you even know he existed?
4.) This Picture
This was Suri’s reaction to Adam Lambert singing. Can you imagine what her face would look like if she had to costar in a movie with Blake Lively?
5.) Most Movies Suck
There are definitely more bad movies than good ones out there. I think Suri is destined for bigger things than starring in some terrible sequel, like Scary Movie 10. (Please don’t make a Scary Movie 10).
I worry that in order for a Cruise to have a film career, Scientology needs to be involved. Apparently Suri and Katie are no longer members since the divorce. I hope this is true. Suri can’t be in a cult. Everyone knows cults clash with couture.
7.) The Paparazzi
The paparazzi are the worst. Suri already gets a lot of attention for well, just being Suri. Can you imagine how much more attention she’d get if she had a movie to promote?
8.) Her Entourage
Everyone knows movie stars need entourages – just ask Vince Chase. And most entourage members are idiots. And Suri is too cool and smart for that.
9.) She Would Mess Up The Red Carpet Style Curve
Suri has such impeccable taste that whatever she’d end up wearing on a red carpet would be so incredibly fashionable that all the other celebrities would look like fashion victims in comparison.
10.) She’s six
I think Suri’s wardrobe may deceive us into thinking she’s older than she really is. But she’s six. Six years old. She just started school. She’s learning to read. When I was six, I wanted to be an actress. I’m so happy that my parents forced me to stay in school so I could discover I actually wanted to be a writer/ comedian! (Okay, maybe that’s not the best example.)
Suri needs to be saved. To quote Helen Lovejoy from The Simpsons, “Won’t somebody please think of the children?!” Think of Suri and save her. #SaveSuri