How To Win The Hearts of Your Biggest Celebrity Crushes
Our celebrity boyfriend fantasies are what get us through the day more often than not, and it’s hard to imagine a world in which we didn’t secretly believe Paul Rudd would fall in love with us if only we could meet (note: in our imaginary world, Paul Rudd is also not married). On dark days, though, it’s also hard to extinguish crybaby thoughts such as “but, what can we bring to the relationship?” given we’re not famous, rich or otherwise “important” enough to warrant the love of an A-lister. Boo hoo.
The answer came to us recently via good ol’ grandma, who happily advised us that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Sure, the saying is a bit antiquated, but we’re willing to bet that no woman’s cause (or man’s cause, for that matter) has ever been hurt by serving their crush a delicious home-cooked meal. So, today we’ve prepared 5 broke-girl-friendly dream meals for our 5 favorite heartthrobs. Should we, or you–we’re givers here at Broke Girl’s Guide— ever meet these men, it might pay to have a customized menu at the ready.
We know Ian has a girlfriend, but that doesn’t stop us from dreaming about being “turned” by this smoldering stunner. We’ll steal his heart (not literally, as he would then perish forever, obviously) with this vampire-friendly fare:
Starter: Blood Orange Salad
Entree: Rare Pan-Seared Steak
Dessert: Devil’s Food Cake with Black Pepper Boiled Icing
Pair with: Red wine
We feel a little embarrassed so much as thinking about thinking about Bieber in a romantic way given the extreme gap in age between ourselves and the handsome little pop star, but…that doesn’t really stop us. Since his grade school days are not very long gone, we think he’d swoon over a nostalgic menu reminiscent of simpler times.
Starter: Pepperoni Pizza Puffs
Entree: “Chick-fil-A bites” with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce
Dessert: Candyland Toffee Sundae
Pair with: a Capri Sun
He’s rumored to be dating Jennifer Lawrence these days, so this is going to be a tough one. Since Bradley is sober and therefore never hungover, we think he might enjoy indulging for once in the best part of drinking: the hangover breakfast.
Starter: Biscuits and Gravy
Entree: Waffles Benedict
Dessert: Roasted Blueberry Coconut Quinoa Parfait with Coconut Granola
Pair with: Virgin Bloody Mary
Note: We might also try this out on him.
Maybe it’s wrong to swoop in so soon after his split from Taylor Swift, but such is life. If the rumors are to be believed, Harry dumped Taylor because she was a bit too–ahem–“cold” for his liking. So, we’re going to add some serious spice into his life with a little caliente cooking.
Starter: Chile-Roasted Shrimp
Entree: Chipotle Chocolate Chili
Dessert: Fudgy, Spicy Cinnamon Chile Brownies
Pair with: water!
Leo’s used to eating with models, which probably means that he’s perpetually starving. We plan to fix that by putting together a hearty, manly meal and then actually eating it with him. Perhaps we’ll shock him into submission?
Starter: Beef Fajita Nachos
Entree: Short Ribs Braised in Stout Beer
Dessert: Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies
Pair with: whiskey, on the rocks
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