JNCO Jeans are back! But first, some rules for wearing insanely baggy '90s jeans
Guys. JNCO jeans are BACK.
No, you didn’t read that wrong. Those awesomely baggy, make-your-legs-look-like-tree-trunks jeans that were all over the place in the ’90s are actually making a comeback. We’re not sure if the planets have aligned in some bizarre way, or maybe it’s just a retro reaction to a decade of skinny jeans, but it’s happening. According to Women’s Wear Daily, the Los Angeles brand announced that they’re planning a grand comeback at a Las Vegas fashion trade show.
In case you’re thinking this is a joke, check out their pretty sweet-looking new site. Based on the pictures, it looks like they’ll be selling more than just jeans, but so far, according to the Huffington Post, the only thing we know about their relaunch in the fall is that it will include:
“. . .slouchy ‘knit’ jeans and joggers, in addition to its signature jeans featuring leg openings ranging from 20-23 inches. (Yes, these are still baggy, though less obnoxious e than the leg openings approaching 50 inches that the brand sold at the height of its popularity.)”
JNCO even had something to say about it on their Facebook page: “Articles popping up everywhere. . . I guess the word is out there! Thanks everyone for your part in helping our return.”
Now, before you purchase these bad-boys—the new ones, or the classic versions which are all over eBay—there are a few rules we have for wearing these ’90s throwbacks:
You must pair your new jeans with a visor.
I mean, this one is pretty obvious. It would just be embarrassing if you forgot your visor before shuffling out of the house.
Pockets must be knee-level or lower.
You should actually have to reach awkwardly down your leg if you want to place things in your pockets. If it’s easy to pocket, then you’re doing it wrong. If you’re lucky enough, maybe the stuff in your pockets will actually drag your pants down to the level of fashion superstar.
You must be covered in cool patches.
We’re not talking Lisa Frank animals here. Generally, these patches must suggest that you’re into mischief. Here’s a good starter list: anything on fire, such as the above crown; anything involving cartoonishly evil snakes or bulldogs; a small angry-looking child jumping over the “JNCO” logo. You’re welcome.
Take extra caution when. . .you know, walking.
Those 50-inch hems may be cool, but they’re 50 inches of material waiting to be tripped over, so walk slowly. No brisk strolling for you. Actually, just pretend like you’re in a slow-mo portion of a movie when the cool kids are walking out of the school building. People will totally bow down to you.
You must never reveal both pairs of shoes you’re wearing at the same time.
If you’re going to kick back with your JNCO jeans, make sure you’re leaning, rather than sitting, otherwise you run the risk of revealing your sneakers. Both of them. Look one may pop out, as proven by this cool ad above. But at least one shoe still remains a mystery.
Now go forth and embrace your ’90s bagginess!