Jill Layton
April 09, 2014 8:00 am

Spring has sprung. The flowers are blooming, the birds are mating and half of the people in southern California are planning their Coachella outfits. Coachella is two weekends out of the year when music lovers congregate in the desert to listen to obscure and less obscure music, hang out with friends, and enjoy some beverages and other things. It’s a music festival you don’t want to miss, unless you don’t like hot sweaty crowds of strangers intruding on your personal space. In which case, you should miss it. There are plenty of other things to do over the weekend that don’t involve dehydration, severe international body odor, hepatitis, and stressful bohemian/hippie/hipster fashion decisions.

Here’s a list of things to do instead of going to Coachella:

1. Buy music on iTunes.

And then listen to it. You’re in control of what bands you listen to and how loud they play. You won’t have to fight your way through a crowd to get closer to a stage. The stage is your iPhone. You can sit on your couch, in the car or lay on your bed, and no one is sweating on you (unless you want them to be).

2. Sleep.

If all of your friends are at Coachella, then you probably won’t be staying out late. Mostly because you don’t have anyone to stay out late with, and that’s totally fine. Coachella weekend is the perfect opportunity to catch up on sleep or just continue to be well-rested.

3. Do a DIY project.

Maybe it’s a cool idea you got from Pinterest or a cool idea you got from your brain. Either way, throw on some iTunes tunes and do it (yourself).

4. Go to the beach.

If you live near a beach, go to it. Sand storms and dust boogers are way less likely to happen at the ocean than in the middle of the desert.

5. Take a shower.

Because you can, and your shower probably isn’t communal.

6. Go for a walk.

Walking is a relaxing activity when you don’t have anywhere to be. At Coachella, you have everywhere to be all the time. There are 6 different stages, which means 6 different bands play at the same time. That kind of walking sounds way more stressful than a walk around the neighborhood.

7. Watch a movie.

Everyone was so obsessed with that Tupac hologram performance. But holograms aren’t real, so it was basically just a movie. So, watching a movie at home seems less hectic.

8. Get some fro-yo.

Because you have access to your car, and there probably won’t be a 50-person line.

9. Call your parents.

They’re probably as happy as you are that you’re not at Coachella.

10. Go to Youtube.

If you feel like you’re really missing out on some of the great music at Coachella, the internet provides you with a solution. The majority of bands stream their sets for free on Youtube. It’s like the Netflix of music festivals.

11. Buy yourself something nice.

By not going to Coachella, you saved $375 on a general admission ticket or $799 on a VIP ticket (if you’re fancy). That’s so many dollars! And that’s not including transportation, lodging, food, drinks and the obligatory Coachella t-shirt to prove you were there. Take some of those dollars and treat yourself to something you love.

12. Get a massage.

Because getting a massage is always better than not getting a massage.

This sounds like the best weekend ever. Let’s not go to Coachella all the time! Also, let’s not forget the best thing to ever happen at Coachella… when this guy put on his flip-flop.

Featured images via Heels and Headphones, MTV, Bizbash