The No-Joke Double Standards of Dating
Double standards and dating go together like loneliness and Tinder, selfies and sadness, Adele and crying. We’ve heard it, we’ve tried to fight it, but they still exist. So instead of getting mad, lets just call out the worst double standards in the dating game:
1. Sexually experienced men are applauded for being a “players,” while sexually experienced females are shamed as a “whores.”
PREACH Lil’ Kim! That song came out over ten years ago, and still this double standard exists. Name the famous playboys of our time: Hugh Hefner, Mick Jagger, George Clooney, the list goes on, all are considered to be heroes for bedding countless gorgeous women. Now think of female players: Samantha from Sex & The City? Awesome. A fictitious character from a TV show.
2. If you’re man looking for professional dating help you can hire a “Dating Coach,” but if you’re female, you’ll be referred to a “Matchmaker.”
I recently interviewed a professional wingman on my Podcast. He’s essentially a dating coach for hire, who helps his clients work on themselves so they can attract women. When I asked him if he has any female clients he told me no, he refers women to a matchmaker. Then I thought about it and realized that most matchmakers have mostly female clients, and dating coaches seem to almost exclusively work with males. Why is that? Is it because men are still the hunters and while us women are still the gatherers? Shouldn’t women have the option to not just be matched, but to hunt for their matches?
3. If he asks her questions, it’s considered caring. If she asks him questions, it’s considered nagging.
Sound familiar? But if he texts you, “Hey Babe, how was your day?” Your heart would drop a beat and you’d start gushing to your friends, “um… I think he’s my boyfriend because he asked me about my day!” If you texted him that, your friends would advise you not to, urging you to give him space and, “play it cool.”
4. If he’s 40 no one cares, if she’s 40 it’s tragic.
It’s normal for guys to wait to get married and have kids until they’re 40. But if a girl is pushing 40 and is single with no kids, people think that’s weird and sad. And that double standard makes me sad.
5. A man can post shirtless selfies Instagram, but if a girl does it, it gets taken down.
There actually isn’t a law that forbids women from walking down the streets topless. But if you try to post a boob shot on Instagram, it will get taken down. That was behind Scout Willis’ topless New York City protest. Not that I want to post boob shots on Instagram, Mom. But if we can walk around the streets topless (like men), shouldn’t we also have the right to post a topless selfies like men?
6. When a guy dates a younger girl he’s a stud, when a girl dates anyone who isn’t her age she’s judged.
When an older man dates a younger girl, he’s high-fived. When an older woman dates a younger man she’s a cougar, like some predatory wild animal that must be tamed. What is up with that? What’s more, when a younger girl dates an older man she can be pegged as a “gold-digger.” Got that?
Double standards suck, especially with dating. As a feminist, I believe women should have the same rights as a man. But not everyone is on the same page. Here’s something I learned from dating: the right guy won’t think less of you if you’re more sexually experienced, he won’t call you a nag when you’re being inquisitive, he won’t judge you for your past. And if you’re a feminist, you’ll give him the same respect.
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