Don’t Live Your Life Like A Romantic Comedy

I love romantic comedies. There’s something about the whirlwind of emotion and lack of originality that I just crave. Plus, who doesn’t like an advertising hot shot or a writer? Cue: What Women Want, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, The Proposal, Friends with Benefits, Hitch, 27 Dresses, Love Actually, Forces of Nature, Never Been Kissed, Midnight in Paris, The Holiday, As Good as it Gets, and even Sally was studying to be a journalist when she met Harry. Once again, originality is what I like best.

After a while, I started to notice another trend in Rom-Com land. Guy and girl don’t get along, then they do, then they don’t again and then they do again. Uh. It’s fantastic. And because life tends to imitate art, I decided, as a writer and advertising major, that I should implement these actions into my actual life.

“Go after her,” I said to myself when my ex-girlfriend left my room for the very last time. “No, seriously, go after her.” As I raced to put my shoes on, all I could think of was how amazing that kiss at her door was going to be. I can’t remember if it was raining that night, but let’s just say it was. I also don’t remember what was on the radio, so let’s just say it was Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love”. I’m sure that’s not the case, because that song is never on the radio. But it was probably playing in my head, so that’s close enough.

Before I got to her door, I actually thought to myself, I am having a real-life romantic comedy moment right now. And I was super proud of it. Like, legit, “You’re doing it, man! This is going to be so romantic! People are going to shed tears when you tell this story.” But then she answered the door, I forced an extremely quick and awkward kiss, said something along the lines of, “I’m not losing you like this.” she disagreed, her mom woke up, and then I quickly got in my car and left.

Needless to say, it did not go the way I had envisioned or seen unfold in my beloved romantic comedies. And I don’t want to call Matthew McConaughey a liar, but his movies are certainly full of lies. I will say that.

It took me a long time to recover from that pathetic showcasing of love, but I did learn a valuable lesson: Don’t live your life like a romantic comedy because that’s f*cking stupid. Also, don’t do anything in the heat of passion or heartbreak. Everything sounds like a good idea when your emotions are high and your heart is racing, but it’s best to take a few deep breaths before acting on those feelings. I learned that the hard (and embarrassing) way, but sometimes that’s what it takes.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and learn how to ride a motorcycle…

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