Dating lessons we’ve learned (so far) from Tinder’s Carrie Bradshaw

“I had to wonder, was I making the most of Tinder, or was Tinder making the most of me?” is what Carrie Bradshaw would probably ponder aloud if she was around during these dating app days.

Luckily, we have a new, fresh voice on all things online dating, in the form of Tinderella. No, not the Funny or Die Tinderella, the real-life version who blogs about her online dates from somewhere in NYC. This 27-year-old, anonymous blogger says she’s searching for “an old-fashioned Prince Charming,” but she’s going about it a very new-fashioned way: The big T, folks. TINDER. Duh-Duh-Duh.

Keeping the dates anonymous as well—referring to them with names like ”The Boston Tinder,” and “The Married Tinder,” she focuses on her blog on the interactions, the wardrobe, the etiquette, and the lessons learned. OK, and sometimes the moments of absurdity that can only be attributed to App-dating.

So we wanted to highlight a few of the things she has learned in her Tinder adventures, so that maybe we can glean some wisdom without having to do as much of the work. That’s what the Internet is for, right?

At the very least, you will have a good story

This is just a good ol’ truth about dating. When all goes awry (as it often does), the silver lining is getting to tell your friends about it later. Tinderella has proven this to be true, over and over again. Even when her dates go terribly, the story remains pretty good, and retelling it somehow makes it feel worth it. Most of the time.

When you start to suspect you’re being put in the friend zone, you are usually being put in the friend zone

Dating is so bizarre because you can have a hot ‘n sexy first and second date, and then suddenly the person you’re seeing starts acting weird for no apparent reason and suddenly you’re on a highway to the friend zone. If they insist on always bringing or inviting other people to your hangs (red flag) or get embarrassed every time you try and flirt with them (redder flag), take a note from Tinderella’s date with The British Tinder, and just cut to the chase and ask them what’s going on. Or, as is my usual way, tiptoe slowly backwards out of the room, never to be seen again.

When it’s going really badly, maybe just cut your losses

On a particularly bad date, Tinderella sort of waves the white flag and stops trying to make lemonade out of the bitter lemons sitting across from her. The guy eventually throws down some cash and storms out, which is not everyone’s ideal ending, but I think the lesson here is that if you are both clearly having a terrible time why not just call it what it is and excuse yourself? Life is too short to sit across from someone you really don’t get along with, even if there are libations.

Sometimes people are better on text than they are in person (and vice versa)

This one pains me because good text chemistry can feel so very promising. And once upon a time I think it used to be a good indicator of how a person would be in person. But these days, as so much of our communication is written (emails, tweets, texts, etc) I think everyone knows how to craft a few clever lines of banter. What’s more, a lot of different personalities can hide behind the fast-paced zingers of text flirting, when in person, they have an entirely different energy. Tinderella found this out the hard way on her date with The Nun Tinder (the name of which she explains in the post), when she realized that the chemistry they had via texting didn’t translate in their real life interactions. This is just something to be aware of before you start a wedding Pinterest board based off of a day and a half of texting, K?

Maybe avoid certain topics on a first date

Hear me out, I’m all for speaking your mind and being yourself, but there are some things people are more prepared to discuss on, say, the 5th date, than they are the 1st. Things like threesomes, strippers, and porn, for example (all real things that Tinderella has admitted may not have been her best leads on first dates.) Other topics that are better discussed among people who have known one another for more than 45 minutes: politics, religion, the fact that you’re blogging about your Tinder dates.

Sometimes (a lot of times) it really isn’t you, it’s them

You know when a seemingly promising dating relationship ends for seemingly no logical reason? Or a guy just falls of the face of the earth when everything was going beautifully? Sometimes it really, truly, madly, deeply has nothing to do with you or anything you did. Tinderella had a particularly heart-wrenching experience with The Boston Tinder where one moment they had decided to not see other people, and the next she got a vague text about how they were “too different” to be happy together. When you are truly clueless about what went awry, you can chalk it up to something that is entirely that person’s issue. And then make a voodoo doll to feel better.

Know your own personal dating rules

Something Tinderella seems to do well is maintain her own boundaries and communicate them to men who want to take her out. A great example of this is she often tells guys who want to meet up late that it’s too late for her, prompting them to suggest other times or switch the timing. I like this and I like that usually she’s like “Sorry, too late for me, have a good night.” Unapologetic and firm. So whatever it is that you have found makes you the most comfortable, or is a deal-breaker, stick to your guns.