We’d Just Like to Talk About Chris Evans’ Chest Tattoos for a Moment

Okay, woah…wait a minute. Chris Evans just showed up to a Zoom interview looking, um, truly indescribable. He really had the audacity to look like a cast member from Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 masterpiece Romeo + Juliet—chest tattoos included, mind you—and we sadly have to take the rest of the day off to recover and do some journaling.

Evans appeared alongside his brother Scott for a March 23rd interview with ACE Universe’s Angélique Roché during which they talked quarantine life, brotherhood, and shared a few inside jokes and memories from childhood.

Roché also had the pleasure of interviewing Evans’ two chest tattoos—one of which is an eagle, and the other an Eckhart Tolle quote that reads, “When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” Yes, Chris. Yes.

Paired with the floral button-down shirt that can barely fit around his biceps, the chain necklace, and *the* white tank top, well, it’s simply sensory overload. He’s toeing the line of being too attractive and this is dangerous game he has decided to play.

Obviously, once this footage of Captain America in plainclothes hit the internet, people freaked and needed to expel their thoughts before their brain turned to mush.

Oh, what we wouldn’t give to be one of Evan’s chest tattoos peeking out to say hello to an utterly stunned human population.

If you’d like to bless yourself and watch the full conversation with the Evans brothers, you can do so. It’s about 40 minutes of pure bliss, which is exactly what you, we, and everyone needs.

Chris, we need to talk about what it is you’re doing to our hearts. Please respond to this request posthaste.