We’re sure that watching Netflix’s The Santa Clarita Diet is going to give us all sorts of revelations about how we’re living our lives, and how we could live them more fully, or whatever.
Going into this show, we’re already low key in love with Drew Barrymore, because always and forever. What sort of crept up on us was the realization that, hey, Timothy Olyphant is a beautiful, beautiful man and over the past few months, watching him in the trailers, we’ve sort of become high key obsessed with him. So we’d like to show you our evidence that Timothy Olyphant is at least very nearly the ideal man, and let you decide for yourself. (Honestly if you’re not sold by image one we don’t even want to TALK to you. JK. But seriously.)
Here he is at the premiere of The Santa Clarita Diet, smoldering. Look at him smolder.
Here he is, peering into someone’s soul, but looking slightly naughty while he does it. Partly we want to be on the receiving end of this look, and partly we think we couldn’t handle it.
Here is Timothy with rumpled hair, playing tennis or something, and giving us a bit of a gun show. It’s a little too much — the weaker amongst us might need to avert their eyes.
Here he is at a theatre event, which shows that he’s as fancy and cultured as we all imagine. Plus, his jaw is very square. Clark Kent is writhing on the ground in agonized jealousy over how square his jaw looks in this picture.
Here’s a picture of his feet at an event, showing his flip flops and painted toes. We’re not even going to bother editorializing.
Here’s another tennis picture, complete with a HEADBAND. Dunno, dunno, dunno, but we’ll take it.
Here’s another picture of him smoldering while Walton Goggins (his Justified co-star)tries to eat his face. Even if the face of danger, Timothy’s face remains perfect. It’s admirable, honestly.
There was also that time when he was rocking some longer locks and throwing the ceremonial first pitch at the Dodgers’ game, and we’re into this “I’m super chill and laid back but also athletic” vibe.
Lastly, we’ll close with this image of Timothy telling Walton some secrets, which we have to assume are to the tune of “I read this article about myself on HelloGiggles and now I think I want to date one of the writers, but don’t tell anybody, because I’m sensitive and don’t want to be embarrassed.”
Thank you for coming on that wild, wild ride with us. We promise to invite you to the wedding.