Louis Tomlinson
Credit: Ben Gabbe/Getty Images

When One Direction went on hiatus, fans were beside themselves. It was hard to imagine life without our favorite guy group making music together. While everyone’s already kicked off their solo careers, we’ve been missing our regular doses of the 1D boys. Louis Tomlinson debuted his first single “Just Hold On” back in December and his music video for the Steve Aoki collaboration in March, but since then he’s been pretty quiet. But in this heart-wrenching interview with The Guardian, Louis Tomlinson has given us a peek into what he’s up to now — and how he feel about the 1D hiatus.

In the interview, Tomlinson opens up his frustrations, his personal life, and his upcoming solo album. The article is honestly so relatable to anyone who has ever questioned their success or felt lonely.

First of all, Louis Tomlinson revealed he thinks he’s the least favorite 1D member.

According to the interview, Louis always felt like he was kind of in the background in One Direction. He feels like everyone else had a purpose and that he was kind of set to the back. Tomlinson even describes his role in the first days of One Direction as “the kid wearing espadrilles, stood in’t back.” He describes his feelings this way:

But when it came time to go their own ways, at least for a while, he’d just started to really find his footing. “In the last year of One Direction I was probably the most confident I ever was,” he explains. “And then it was: ‘OK, hiatus!” It wasn’t something he was in favor of — “It wasn’t necessarily a nice conversation. I could see where it was going.”

Tomlinson also opened up about dealing with his mother’s death.

His mother, Johannah Deakin, was diagnosed with leukemia in 2016. She tragically died later that same year. Tomlinson was incredibly close to her, and cites her as a coach and inspiration during his time in One Direction. When asked how she helped, he said simply, “Sometimes my reservation, or my confidence, might have prevented me from doing something. And I’ve needed a mum in the past to kick me up the arse and go: ‘You’re doing it.'”

Louis Tomlinson also addressed the dissonance of being internationally famous, and yet not being seen as a real person. While talking about his solo album he sums it up this way:

This is only a fraction of the incredible tough topics that Tomlinson touches on in this incredibly poignant interview. While emotional, the whole article is seriously worth read. Needless to say, it’s striking a chord with fans the world over.

We already loved Louis Tomlinson, but this incredibly honest interview just makes us love him more. We cannot wait to hear his new album, (luckily, he just announced a new single, “Back To You,” that should be coming soon) and see what he does next!