Extra Crispy
September 27, 2018 12:45 pm

In addition to having lips, celebutante Kylie Jenner is perhaps most famous for “realizing things.” One thing she recently realized is intuitive knowledge to most readers of this site: cereal with milk is actually pretty good. The fact that the 21-year-old was trying such a basic breakfast for the first time definitely seemed puzzling.

But a week after her declaration, Jenner’s life-changing meal has inspired some full-blown conspiracy theories. As with all credible stories, TMZ seems to have propelled this sordid cereal conspiracy saga into public consciousness. The celebrity gossip purveyors reportedly received an anonymous tip to “go check out her Instagram” in regards to the claim that Kim Kardashian’s half-sister supped on soggy cereal for the first time. Their findings were devastating.

As TMZ reveals around the one minute mark, Kylie Jenner may have been eating cereal with milk as far back as April 2013. What??? Only 80% of informally-polled TMZ employees seem to think that the Instagram in question features milk, with the lone detractor asserting that it must be yogurt. Of course, there’s a case to be made that an amateur cereal eater like Jenner might have just poured the milk in first, though a follow-up tweet from Jenner after the more recent cereal incident makes that seem unlikely.

One theory seems to have emerged on Twitter, as certain sleuths are convinced that Jenner only mentioned milk in the first place because the dairy lobby paid her to do it.

That assertion would imply that Jenner is effectively in violation of FTC regulations surrounding paid Twitter sponsorships. Though it’s not true that any celeb advertising on social media has to say “#ad”, if Jenner truly was partnering with any dairy companies, the relationship would have to be disclosed within the content of her post. That wouldn’t have stopped her from sharing her tweet and then cashing in on a subsequent partnership arranged after the fact, the kind of thing that could easily happen for a celeb with an audience of 25+ million followers.

Is the woman who once wanted to warn us about the dangers of chemtrails now engaged in her own sort of dairy-based deep state subterfuge? Is it all just a ploy to distract us from something else? We may never truly get to the bottom of the Kylie Jenner cereal saga, but one thing’s for sure: the idea of the whole thing is so bizarre that we have no choice but to pursue alternative explanations. And even though the simplest possible explanation is likely the most plausible one, it’s still important to stay woke when it comes to Kylie Jenner’s breakfast.