It began with "a buzzing sense of chaos" during her first marriage.

Olivia Harvey
Jun 25, 2021 @ 1:03 pm
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Jordana Brewster
Credit: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic, Getty Images

Warning: This post contains detailed discussion about eating disorders.

Actress Jordana Brewster of the Fast and Furious franchise penned a candid essay for Glamour, published June 24th. In her own words, Brewster chronicles her 13-year relationship history with ex-husband Andrew Form and the creeping realization that they "weren't on the same page" throughout most of their marriage. It was only after her divorce, and after getting ahold of an eating disorder she developed within her marriage, that she was able to "crack herself open" and find true happiness.

"The first year of our marriage, I started to binge and developed an eating disorder," Brewster writes. "I knew something was wrong with me. I had no creative output or outlet. I felt isolated, and the passivity drove me crazy." She said she was bored, and that boredom led to her to "raid the mini bar at the Four Seasons for snacks and then promptly go downstairs to make sure it was restocked and paid for before my husband realized anything was missing."

She described the feeling as "a buzzing sense of chaos" that stemmed from her being "stuck" in her relationship.

She continues, "A couple of years later, my disorder swung to the other extreme, and I started to restrict rather than binge. The cliché that controlling your food gives you the illusion of control of your life is true. [But a] fixation with your body gives you tunnel vision."

"I was so focused on the number on the scale and the number of calories I consumed in a day that I ignored all other problems," Brewster writes. "I didn't look closely at my career, my marriage."

She credits years of therapy for helping her get ahold of her disorder and gain back some control. "Now I'm lucky to be at a level of peace with my body," Brewster writes. "If body issues do come up, I deal with them head-on."

Brewster and Form had two sons together during their marriage but realized in early 2020 that they were "growing apart." The actress is now seeing Mason Morfit. "I [now] know what I value and am proud of decisions I can make on my own," she says. "My newfound security helps my kids in the long run. I know that in my heart. I also feel like I finally have a partner...by risking it all I gained the love of my life."