John Mayer has finally solved the men-expressing-love-in-emojis issue. You see, manly men everywhere have felt emotionally isolated on Twitter, in texts, on iMessage, and onBumble. Their manliness been unrepresented in the selection of emojis for love. The regular ❤️ is just too soft and supple for their hardness.
Well, leave it to Mayer to have come to the rescue. He discovered a heart emoji that is just the right amount of sharp and shapely, while still looking like a heart.
Because it is one: it’s the heart from a deck of cards. ♥️
It’s just a touch less red, slightly elongated, and hearkens back to poker nights with the boys.
Men can now feel comfortable texting their bae from the comfort of their Man Shop, with their cigars and sturdy flannels and scent of leather. Go ahead, tell her you ♥️ her. Just make sure you use the right heart.
Naturally, Twitter exploded with ire in the wake of Mayer’s discovery.
Straight people and all the time on their hands.
In all fairness, we thinks Mayer jests.
He even kind of says so, in a follow-up tweet.
We can rest assured that he does, in fact ♥️ us, but only the kind of love that can be expressed without moving a firm facial muscle. While he brushes shaving soap onto his face, from his stainless steel bowl. Rubs pomade through his hair. Ties his tall leather work boots. Picks up his guitar and strums a masculine chord.
We’ll take it.