Anna Buckley
January 19, 2017 11:11 am

Anyone who participates in the circus we call social media has, at one time or another, pondered what to put in their Twitter bio. Does one go the serious route and actually list the day-to-day responsibilities and achievements one has? Does one take it less seriously and make a joke? Does one leave it blank because what does it even matter what peoples’ Twitter bios say?

During our time perusing our favorite celebrity Twitter accounts, we’ve taken note of some pretty amazing bios — some that make us laugh, some that make us cry, and some that make us wish we were that damn clever. To get a glimpse at what we’re going on about, look no further.

1“Vehicle.”

You’re so funny Stephen Colbert. It’s almost like you make a living as a comedian! Of course you’re not a vehicle! Unless you mean a vehicle for biting political and cultural commentary. 😉

2“Don’t litter, chew gum, walk past homeless PPL w/o smile.” 

We almost want to tell Cher that a Twitter bio isn’t meant to be a full autobiography, but everything she says is so empathetic that we don’t even care. And her abbreviation skills? Amazing. W/out a doubt, Cher makes us want to B more sincere with our own Twitter bios.

3“I’m the village crazy lady.” 

It’s cool, Lin-Manuel, when we create and star in a wildly popular musical that takes the country by storm, we like to make a joke that downplays our massive success, too.

4“America’s second favorite cable news lesbian.”

Kohn, a political commentator on CNN, is killing us with her deadpan humor and reference to the beloved Ellen Degeneres, we can only assume. There is plenty of room in this town for the both of you wildly talented women in our book.

5“Oh, good lord.”

Couldn’t have said it better ourselves, Busy.

6“Lowell Conrad says my cook book ideas are stupid.”

It’s okay, Chrissy, we don’t even have any cook book ideas.

7“Don’t tweet me your craziness.” 

Shonda Rhimes tells it like it is, in her work AND in her Twitter bio.

8“Lioness.” 

Shakespeare wrote that brevity is the soul of wit, and this brief Twitter bio from Gina Rodriguez is on 👏🏽 point 👏🏽.

9“Astrophysicist.” 

Jimmy Fallon knows that celestial stars and celebrity stars are two different things, right?

10“Always hungry.” 

We are too, Sarah Paulson! What a relatable celeb. But also, we have a feeling that phrase is also being used metaphorically, and we love that Paulson is probably also always hungry for more life, more incredible performances, and more powerful art.

11“I am a tiny Canadian.”

Ellen Page IS a tiny Canadian. She is also a beam of light and one heck of an actress, but we know that with or without the Twitter bio.

12“Scottish elf trapped inside middle aged man’s body.” 

Did anyone else just imagine a tiny little elf with a Scottish accent trying to hammer his way out of Alan Cumming’s ribcage? No? Just us? Okay.

13“Water, melanin, bones, blood.” 

This is probably the most beautiful, poetic way anyone has ever said “human.”

14“No.”

Same, Jemima. Same.

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