"I hurt every day from that remorse."

Olivia Harvey
Feb 05, 2021 @ 11:57 am
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Chrissy Teigen
Credit: Frazer Harrison, Getty Images for The Recording Academy

If all had gone according to plan, Chrissy Teigen would have delivered her third child, a boy named Jack, at some point this week—the first week of February. However, as she shared with her followers back in September, she and husband John Legend lost Jack much too soon. Yesterday, February 4th, Teigen shared a few images from early in her pregnancy when she was happy and healthy, as well as her heartbreaking thoughts in hindsight.

"These are from our video shoot for Wild in Mexico," Teigen wrote in the caption of her post. "I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end."

She continued, "I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks...not sure I'll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so."

"He would have been here any day now—if he were like Luna and Miles, I'd probably be holding him as we speak," Teigen wrote. "I am so full of regret that I didn't look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse."

"This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren't on any sort of schedule..." she continued. "I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do."

In classic Teigen fashion, she followed her post up with some comedic relief, writing in the comments, "It's ok to think there is food on your screen for the first pic. I keep trying to get it off, too," and "Don't get mad at the bots! It is kind of funny to me to see them comment 'a beautiful success!' on this lol."

Famous friends like Naomi Watts, Emily Ratajkowski, Mandy Moore, and Rachel Zoe filled her comments with heart emojis. There's no way this week wasn't going to be difficult for her to get through.

Teigen is currently recovering from her first (and hopefully last) endometriosis surgery today, February 5th, which will hopefully help her put a bookmark in this chapter and begin the next.