Cara Delevingne Opened Up About Being Homophobic Before Accepting Her Sexuality

"The idea of being same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself."

Actress and model Cara Delevingne identifies as pansexual, meaning she is attracted to others not based on sex or gender identity, however, she admits that she actually grew up as homophobic, which still mildly inhibits her expression of her sexuality to this day.

Delevingne appeared on the March 16th episode of the Goop podcast and explained that she “grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay.”

I think growing up…I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic, she told host Gwyneth Paltrow. The idea of being same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh.’

Her homophobic ideas as a child carried over into adulthood—so much so that she believes it contributed to her “massive depression” and suicidal thoughts related to her sexuality.

“I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that,” she told Paltrow. “But actually that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.”

And sadly, the homophobic ideas from early on in her life haven’t yet left her. There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight,’ Delevingne said. There is still that side to it. It is really complicated.

Despite her complicated thoughts pertaining to sexuality, Delevingne is much more comfortable in her own skin than ever before. “I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model,” she said, noting that having to fit into the box of femininity was really not for her. “I’m an androgynous person.”

“I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough-and-tumble ‘man,'” she told Paltrow. “I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”

Delevingne said her sexuality is constantly changing, and now that she knows it’s more than okay to love who she wants regardless of their sex or gender identity, the un-learning process has become a lot easier.

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