So you’ve decided to cancel your wedding

So after a long and frank discussion which spanned a few days and nights, my partner and I have decided to cancel our wedding. Not the marriage but the original planned wedding. We’ve agreed that the big day we had planned wasn’t worth the 12 months of hibernation it would take to afford it. Not to mention all the baggage that comes with that.

We looked at all angles. Including the “what if someone gave us the money?” angle. Turns out the answer was that ultimately, if we were given the money we needed for what we were planning, we could think of at least three other things we’d spend it on before our wedding. Which means that we probably didn’t really want that wedding. Not when you considered its true cost.

So we’ve agreed to cut our losses, lose our deposits and actually live the life we love. The life that made us fall in love. Rather than a life of stress and financial concern which ultimately leads to us separating before the wedding.

It wasn’t easy. We’d committed to it financially and emotionally. We’d told friends and family. We’d arranged for the invites to be produced. Paid deposits on both the venue and caterers. We’d even taken out our wedding insurance in case something went wrong.

Maybe we’d look silly? I definitely felt silly. I cried. I mourned the loss of our big day.

Something that surprised me was how my partner felt the same anguish. Even though we love each other and plan to spend the rest of our lives together, I am always surprised when we feel so deeply the same way on issues. The way he was equally sad and jointly miffed with me made me feel bad for him but better for us.

But as the mist cleared, I saw all the benefits to our decision. OK, so we’d lost our deposits. But that money was spent already, and only money. Now there was a whole new, smaller, less extravagant wedding to plan for. Because I had been over the first one in my head so often, it felt like it had already happened. So this already felt like a second wedding.

And when I thought about it, I wasn’t actually looking forward to the prospect of standing in front of so many people to say vows. Maybe now we could think of something smaller and way more private.

I could stop looking at white dress after white dress online. I’m still not sure why I looked at them, browsed through page after page, knowing I would feel so uncomfortable in them. It is true what they say. You can get totally swept up into the wedding world, despite your best efforts.

After a while, we felt that a weight was off our shoulders. We both laughed and smiled instead of speaking curtly to each other and trying to find any other topic but the wedding to talk about. Imagine twelve months of strict saving and conversations like that, and we’d have lost it.

Other than a few awkward conversations with family the only downside was… nothing. We totally made the right decision. So you’ve decided to cancel your wedding, too? Good luck. We wish you every happiness.

Jess Rushton lives in Stroud, Gloucestershire in the UK with her fiancé and their two cats. Follow her on twitter @JehRushton.

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