Black Mirror’s website now tells you when your relationship will end, so happy Valentine’s Day

The best episodes of Netflix’s Black Mirror are the ones that linger with you long past the credits. In recent seasons of Black Mirror, many of those have *mercifully* been lighter episodes, like Season 3’s “San Junipero” or Season 4’s “Hang the DJ.” “San Junipero” was weirdly uplifting, and “Hang the DJ” is way too real for anyone that’s used a dating app. And now, news that will haunt your Valentine’s Day: Black Mirror released an actual Coach app, and it’s already terrorizing the singles in your area.

“Hang the DJ” showed a world where single people use the Coach system to find, experience, and count down to the end of their next relationship.

In a handheld device that combines features like those in Siri and Tinder, users are guided to their next relationship and provided with its expiration date. You choose nothing, except your own participation. How much faith would *you* have in The System? Enough to give it a shot? Well, now, you can. If you’re one of the folks celebrating Valentine’s Day with themselves this year, Netflix made you your very own Coach app.

The Coach app is available online, and it’ll definitely give you flashbacks to “Hang the DJ”.

To access it, you pass along the web link to your partner, and head to the site. Click on the Coach interface, and off you go. Intense? Yes. Fun? Mostly. Is listening to “Panic” by The Smiths, whence the episode gets its name, required to test it out? No, but it is heartily recommended.

Here’s what your screen might look like after you’ve chosen to enroll in Coach:


So do you dare? Would you put your faith in The System? No spoilers, here, but if you recall how the episode turns out, it might change your mind. A very happy Valentine’s Day from the folks at Black Mirror. Curl up with your Coach and rewatch “Hang the DJ,” why don’t you?

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