Billie Eilish opens up about past suicidal thoughts and credits her mother for saving her

Trigger warning: This article discusses suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

Billie Eilish got real about the darkest moment on her mental health journey. The 18-year-old artist is nominated for an impressive six Grammy awards this year, but in the past, she didn’t think she would make it to see age 17. Ahead of this weekend’s awards ceremony, Eilish sat down with Gayle King and opened up about her experience with suicidal thoughts.

"I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel," Eilish told King on The Gayle King Grammys Special. "I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way I was gonna die was—I was gonna do it."

King asked Eilish, “Why do you think that you didn’t?” Eilish replied simply, “My mom.”

Eilish’s mother, Maggie Baird, was interviewed in the same segment. Baird explained the role she and her family play in caring for Eilish’s mental health, including checking in on the singer to see how she’s feeling and always ensuring that she wants to continue with her schedule of high-demand performances. And, according to Baird, Billie does. “The fans and the shows, that’s what kept her going,” Baird said in the interview.

Eilish has kept an open conversation surrounding mental health with her fans. She’s opened up about her experience with self-harm in the past, and she’s turned that into a way to be an advocate for all those watching. The “Bad Guy” singer told King she gets up-close and personal with fans to share her message.

"I just grab them by the shoulders and I'm like, 'Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself...don't take that extra step and hurt yourself further and then you can't take it back," Eilish told King.

We’re so grateful to the singer for sharing her story and being a light for those with similar struggles. We’re sending love back her way, and we’ll be eagerly watching her perform at the 2020 Grammy Awards this Sunday, January 26th on CBS.

If you or anyone you know is dealing with thoughts of suicide, you can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255. You are not alone.

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