What your BFF should know when you’re in a new relationship

Everything changes when your best friend finds someone new; and no, not a new BFF—after all, your friendship is as vital as the sun and breathing air and all that other stuff necessary for survival, and therefore can never be replaced—but a new significant other. The love of a bestie needs to exist in tandem with a romantic love, and sometimes finding that balance can be tricky in the beginning stages of a new relationship. You want to spend all of your free time with your new crush, but what about the standing date you have for girl’s night each week? We’ve all been on both ends of this, as the friend who’s started dating someone and as the bestie who might feel left out in the cold. So here are some things to keep in mind when we find ourselves on either side!

You might not have as much time, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still want to be there for them.

It’s just par for the course that any new relationship means your free time is going to be spent a lot differently. You’re in the honeymoon phase, which means the thought of spending two days without seeing one another feels like torture. Consequently, you might not be around as often as you used to be. It can be hard to go from being constantly available for an impromptu pizza and Netflix night to having to pencil in coffee dates to catch up. The best thing to do is remember that no matter what, you still care about each other and want to support your best friend in whatever way they need. Assume good intentions all around, and maybe let each other know when you’re feeling neglected.

You desperately want them to like your new partner.

I polled a few sources for thoughts on this article, and my own bestie weighed in with this one. You want your friends to love your new guy (or gal) just as much as you do. You think this person’s the most special thing on the planet right now, and you want everyone to see that, too. Having a friend’s approval of a new relationship is super important.

You’re a little embarrassed about how strong your feelings are.

You’ve been dating for a month, but it feels like you’ve known them for a lifetime. And then you catch yourself thinking that, and you’re like, oh my god, no, I’m crazy! Congratulations, we’ve all experienced the surge of crazy love feels that come with this time, and we can all understand when you feel like four weeks signals the beginning of your forever.

You still care about their input.

I have two friends who I have given what I call “veto power.” That means that I trust them enough to recognize if there’s something wrong in a relationship I’m in, and that I want them to tell me if they feel strongly enough about it. But I also want their input in other major life decisions, too, and I don’t want to replace their opinions with the opinions of a significant other. What your besties think will always, always matter.

You are in love, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t terrified.

Falling in love is an incredibly vulnerable experience. Commitment and trust means letting someone get close to all the hidden parts of you. It’s not always easy; in fact, it can be pretty darn scary sometimes.

You’ll apologize in advance for how often you will talk about your crush.

We have all been there, analyzing every text and decoding emoji usage. You might tell the story about something cute your boyfriend did last week, and you might tell it three times, finding new details to squee about. You might begin to annoy your bestie, who has heard it all three times and wants to move on. The situation calls for understanding and preemptive apologies.

You’re still their Person, and they’re still yours.

Like Meredith and Cristina, your BFF will never not be number one in the friendship zone of your heart. I’ve long believed that soul mates can be platonic, and that it’s entirely likely you’ll have more than one kind of soul mate in your life. No matter what, your best friend is always going to be your Person, and no new boy or girl will take that away. Because that’s how love works—there’s always room for more of it.

You need your besties now more than ever.

This relationship may be shiny and new, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps in the road ahead. Your BFF is the person who you turn to when you have your first fight with your new significant other. You will need their words of wisdom, their insight, and their offers to cry with you over ice cream. Like any other undertaking in life, romance isn’t always easy, and we all need our besties to help support us and see us through.

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