I live with my bestie and her fiance, but it’s not weird-here’s why

The idea of my current living arrangement might make some people feel a little…uncomfortable. I live with my best friend from college, and now her fiance. In the beginning, I definitely had my worries about, let’s call him Sam, moving in with us, but after a few days it was clear there would be zero weirdness to it. I dare say it’s been more fun having him around! Albeit a bit messier. How is this situation not the weirdest thing in the world? Here’s the full story.

Once upon a time, freshman year of college, I met Zoe. I was a music education major and she was French ed. We met through her roommate and mutual friend who was also a music ed major, and soon my roommate (also music ed), her roommate, Zoe, and myself, all began hanging out. But Zoe’s and my friendship didn’t really take off until junior year. That was the year we started watching Supernatural together in her apartment alone to cope with our social anxiety.

I was having troubles with my roommates (the trouble being I was sure they hated me and I was afraid to be around them) and Zoe understood. Zoe knows what it’s like to be convinced that people hate you and what it’s like to be afraid of them. It’s not surprising that it took about a year for our friendship to go from, “Hey, so, uh, I know you were just over the other day to watch Supernatural but if you wanted to come over again, I mean….but it’s totally fine if you’re busy!” to “I got season 5!!!” and her responding “I mean…” which meant she’d be over in five.

That summer I spent a liiiiittle too much time at her mom’s house which is where, at her birthday party, she re-met Sam. I say re-met because they technically met while acting in a musical together in high school. Whatever.

So they fell in love and flash forward a year of them doing long distance while he was in California to the present day and he is back in town. Zoe and I were done with college and living together. Zoey, having her wonderful guy back, wanted him to move in. I was…uneasy, to say the least. I soon sent her an email (because we are anxious, conflict-avoidant introverts) about my worries. “What if you guys fight? Drama scares me. What if you guys want me to mediate on something and make me take sides? What if…” But Zoe calmly reassured me that her a Sam weren’t like that at all. And I knew she was right.

Flash forward past their adorable engagement (he proposed to her on stage after a show the two of us were in. We’re all actors so it’s cute.) and it came time for him to move in. He decided he wanted to wait until they were at least engaged to move in together, and knowing that it was a wise choice on his part, I felt reassured. I also felt a little bad infringing on their bliss, but I was supposed to be joining the Peace Corps soon so it wouldn’t be long. Unfortunately the Peace Corps would cancel my program (and I’d go through a personal crisis, but that’s another story) so my stay with the newly engaged couple extended. Then I was supposed to move to Portland with my boyfriend, but he dumped me two weeks before leaving. (It’s been a rough year). So my “weird” living situation continues.

But here’s the thing: it’s not weird. I’m best friends with Zoe, living with her isn’t weird, and I’m friends with Sam, why should living with him be any weirder? We all like each others company. We’re all very laid back people. We don’t have overly high expectations for each other or strict rules, we generally communicate (though sometimes passive aggressively, but we all speak P.A. so it kind of works), all of us are small town actors so we benefit financially from the situation, Sam can grill, Zoe can bake, and I clean up after. What’s not to like?

Well, there’s that elephant in the room, that they do the hanky panky…when I’m in the house. Okay here’s the thing about sex. Most humans do it. Most humans who are in a relationship do it. Most humans who are in a relationship do it to have fun and bond together. This is not a thing I am in denial about and it is not a fact that bothers me. In fact, considering I’m a sex-positive feminist, I think the celebration of consensual, safe, and enthusiastic sex between partners is something to be proud of. It is not something I believe we should be ashamed of as a species anymore. Yes, it’s true, I am a Samantha.

I’ll go for a walk with the dog, go for a run in the park, or put my headphones or ear plugs in before going to bed. Just because I don’t want to know the details about my roommates sex life, it doesn’t mean I don’t want them to have one.

So, I’m a little weird. But so are my roommates. We have two cats, one named Captain Meowmers, and one named Lieutenant Fluffernutters for goodness sake. AND a dog named Rigby, of “Eleanor Rigby,” as Zoe is a Beatles fan. So we’re geeks too. Even a little bohemian (the starving artist kind, not ‘the wears ponchos but can afford a Bentley’ kind). Sam and I say “Hi” by making fart noises at each other and Zoey and I frequently have entire conversations using only the word “meow.” We’re weirdos. So I guess it’s only fitting that most people think our living together is weird. Because I guess it kind of is, in the best possible way.

Sarah Baxter is a 23 year-old actor, blogger, singer/songwriter, and Psychology/Sociology graduate who lives with her best friend and her best friend’s fiance in Sterling, Il. You can follow her personality psychology blog at infjadvice.tumblr.com or follow her on Twitter@realsarahbaxter

[Image via Universal Pictures]

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