How To Become A Fully Functioning Adult

I am a twenty year old woman-lady-girl-person. I cringe at thinking that I have entered adulthood and the stuff I do now, is so not cute and okay anymore. I like to pretend that I am still balancing on the median that says that it is acceptable for me to listen to all of the One Direction albums – on repeat, sometimes society is all “sure girl, do your thing” and then other times it’s all “okay, put on a blazer and grow up.” So here’s a list of 5 practical things you can do to ensure that your transition into the adult world is seamless.

1. Care about your nutrition.

Every Monday morning, I enthusiastically jump out of bed, drink a hot cup of lemon water (you know, to like balance my PH and stuff), and leave to spend a lovely hour parading around my local supermarket. Most of my time is spent in the produce section, selecting the best fruits and vegetables I can find that will surely satisfy my refined adult palate. I throw in some quinoa, coconut milk and a carton of ice cream (for good measure). When I get home, I put the $75 worth of organic produce in my refrigerator and put the ice cream in my mouth. I continue this, from Tuesday through Saturday, adding in the necessary amount of taco bell and take out to make me feel like I’m eating substantially. Before I know it, it’s Sunday and in an effort to not be wasteful, I drink about 8 green smoothies and whatever doesn’t find its way mixed into my ultra-trendy and delicious green drank….rots inside of its new home – my trash can. However, every Monday, when the cashier is ringing me up, I scan over my order and stand a little taller and I know that they are probably thinking “Wow, this girl has it all figured out.”

2. Use your free time wisely.

I am a nanny and part time cosmetology student, which means free time is my name and Netflix is my game. I have absolutely no responsibility during the hours of a standard school/work day. I like to go to local libraries or thrift stores and buy books for really cheap with the intention of expanding my knowledge through reading. I like to make art with the intention of exercising my creativity. I like to do yoga with the intention of….well you know, being a yogi. I like a lot of things but not as much as I like Netflix streaming. I like to justify the amount of hours spent watching forgotten 90’s sitcoms and foreign films, by declaring that it is really just helping me understand media and our culture better. Although, if you curiously text me a “wut u doin?”, I will probably tell you I’m reading a book, or making art, or doing yoga, or better yet – feeding a homeless person.

3. Know what is going on in the world.

I’m going to be real for a second, I get my news via social media, Thought Catalog, and when I accidentally set the DVR to “record 10 minutes after” the Ellen show finishes. But look, I never claimed to have it all together. So watch the news or better yet, read a newspaper- that will really make you look like you know what’s up. When someone asks you about the riots in Bosnia – you will know exactly how to respond. (TheGlobalMovement on Instagram told me allllll about it.)

4. Maintain a level of cleanliness.

I always envied those perfect ungodly individuals who shower every day, floss their teeth, and iron their clothes. I am not one of those people. It’s a good day for me if the shirt I’m wearing doesn’t smell and if I brush my hair. It’s important to take a shower and wash away the days grime, it’s less important to wash your hair. So, prioritize – throw some baby powder in your hair and pretend that oversized sweater you purchased in Target’s clearance section is supposed to be wrinkled. (Brush your teeth too, kids.) Do what you need to do to look the part; no one will know your secrets.

5. Eat brunch.

Nothing says adult like brunch. Quiche, mimosas, fancy breads. I can practically hear my mom screaming, “You’ve made it!” It doesn’t matter if it is 11am or 6pm- if you say you want to get brunch – you instantly sound important.

Here’s the deal – Adulthood is not a destination as much as it is an illusion. The key is to fake it until you make it. I don’t pay any of my own bills yet, but I do these five things and the nine your old kid I nanny for calls me a “grown up”, so I think that means it is working, right? Right.

Brittany is a part-time cosmetology student. She likes to eat tacos, pretend she’s friends with Bob Dylan. She writes about things she doesn’t know anything about….cause like, why not?

Featured Image via Shutterstock.