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Apparently spray deodorant is a thing that still exists and that people use on their bodies, which is silly to us only because clear gel deodorant is so much easier and more precise and less flammable. But the sprayers gonna spray (. . . spray spray spray spray), and who are we to hate (. . . hate hate hate hate)? That being said, as long as other people are at risk of being in a spray deodorant’s line of fire, let’s set up some ground rules for all the places we definitely shouldn’t be using it.
1. In a car
Confined spaces + aerosol anything = miserable everyone.
2. At a concert
Concerts get pretty intimate, everyone is tightly packed together and hustling to get as close to the stage as possible in an attempt at magical, live-music osmosis. It is basically a giant conglomeration of sweat—who knows where one person’s perspiration ends and another’s begins? And while it’s completely understandable that you’d want a little extra antiperspirant to help guide you through the sweat storm, concert crowds are uncomfortable enough without a misfire of spray deodorant to the face (which would be inevitable, obviously, if you tried using spray deodorant in a mosh pit).
3. On public transportation
We have a lot of respect for any girl who can apply mascara on the subway without poking her eye out (this is a skill, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise), but when someone busts out something scented in a spray can, it’s grounds for an immediate duck and cover (or collective dismissal at the next station). The train already smells weird enough. Don’t add to the weirdness.
4. Anywhere where food is served
Taste is 80 percent smell, so when all we smell is your spray deodorant, our food is going to start tasting like spray deodorant and that is not delicious.
5. At the library
“Pssssttt” sounds vaguely like “shhhh,” but no one wants to deal with a silent stink bomb while pulling an all-nighter for finals (unless you’ve all collectively decided to use the potent odor to keep you awake, in which case, you’re really intense and that’s totally commendable and you’re definitely going to ace that exam).
6. In class
It’s hard enough to pay attention to the quiet drone of your most grueling and/or boring class without the aroma of spray deodorant wafting over you and pulling you into its artificially-scented embrace.
7. While still in the store
We’re all guilty of getting a little too trigger happy while testing perfumes, but contributing to the very distinct smell of the deodorant aisle at the drugstore is unnecessary at best.
8. In da club
Similar to concerts, clubs get crowded and sweaty and gross very fast, and while you want to smell as fabulous as your Beyoncé moves makes you feel, there is no subtle and cool way to put on spray deodorant on the dance floor.
9. On a date
Dates are just as giddy-making as they are nerve-wracking, and when you’re feeling lots of feels, the sweat floodgates open; but we can think of few things less attractive than someone busting out spray deodorant at the dinner table. (On the other hand, if you desperately want to get out of a date and don’t know how to politely exit without hurting any feelings, busting out spray deodorant at the dinner table might just be an excellent solution to get the date to end quicker.)
(Images via Shutterstock.)