Let’s unpack this. A makeup artist turned herself into SpongeBob Squarepants‘ Squidward using only drugstore products, a condom, and silicone nipple covers. And the result is more terrifying than Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen. He was number one.
Los Angeles-based makeup artist Lauren Mychal of Glam & Gore recently took to YouTube with the wildest tutorial yet, and she transformed herself into Bikini Bottom’s most cynical sea critter. In the video, Mychal fills her cart to the brim with all the beauty products (like $160 worth of stuff), including a shower cap, some cotton balls, and, like we mentioned before, a pack of condoms for, well, you’ll see.
Edited with the iconic SpongeBob time cards that stipulate time moving very slowly (“two very boring minutes later”), Mychal’s video goes all out. This isn’t your typical beauty tutorial. How to Apply Foundation 101? Which Lipstick Shade is Right For You? Nope, this is much more complex.
The vlogger gets to work on modeling Squidward’s mouth and eyes with a foam sword and his nose with a condom. It is brilliant. And, frankly, terrifying. Using a NYX eyeshadow in Squidward’s green hue, she goes to town. While at first difficult to imagine, the vision of Squidward slowly begins to come to life. And you won’t be able to look away.
Let’s recap this tutorial: Mychal utilized a shower cap to create Squidward’s protruding head, a condom to create his long, drooping nose, foam swords to create his perpetual frown, and silicone nipple covers to create his eyes.
This still of Mychal applying the silicone nipple eyes will revisit us in our nightmares tonight.
The finished product is then revealed in a disturbing, knife-wielding sequence with classical music blaring in the background. Prior to the tutorial, Mychal put on a Squidward-esque polo to really tie the look together.
Take a look at the finished Squidward makeup and realize your worst nightmare come to life.
Watch the entire transformation process below.
We’re going to need a minute to think about this — perhaps over a Krusty Krab burger.