Sage Aune/@sagepizza

Horny beauty is the best trend of 2019, don't @ me

February 04, 2019 8:08 am

This past year, CBD, crystals, and clean ingredients have all dominated the beauty scene. And while these topics are all worthy of their buzzy status, they might soon be reaching their peak, meaning it’s time for you all to join me in welcoming the newest trend: horny beauty content.

Recently, brands like Bite Beauty and Lush have been gifting us with loin-aching video content, from the former’s “Hot Guys Making Lipstick” series (which has put hunks such as model Brandon Williams and Bachelor in Paradise alum Wells Adams to work) to the latter’s “How It’s Made: Peachy Bath Bomb” video, which features sensual commentary from the bare-chested “Shawn.”

The peach product is part of Lush’s new Valentine’s Day offerings, which include a bath bomb shaped like a big ol’ eggplant emoji (for a dose of “big eggplant energy”), a banana massage bar, and a bubble bar that depicts either a “6” or a “9.” (Obviously have to get two of ’em.) Tell me, who needs another Whitman’s sampler when this gloriousness exists in our otherwise hum-drum reality?

Now, the beauty industry has always catered to the horniness in us all. Over the decades we’ve been witness to sultry, seductive perfume ads (the recent Gucci Guilty campaign starring Jared Leto and Lana Del Rey is particularly bra-bursting), and, of course, the many titillating product names, like my mom’s ironically favorite Soap & Glory shade, Sexy Mother Pucker.

Many of these horny-named beauty products have also been proven to be the most iconic, not only because of their provocative monikers, but also because the products themselves are damn good. Think Nars Orgasm, Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara, and Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in 69. In 2017, Urban Decay released a sex-proof mascara called Troublemaker. And this past winter, GlamGlow launched Good In Bed, a supercharged moisturizer that works on your skin while you sleep.

Why, pray tell, there hasn’t been a lipstick simply called Horny? Missed opportunity, IMHO, but it’s not too late. Let 2019 be the year that beauty goes all-out with its horniness. In these trying times, we could all use a little release.