My bangs do not mean I am “going through something,” despite what the media may tell you

When I was 6-years-old, I decided that I needed to give myself fantastic bangs. What I ended up with was a crazy criss-crossed line of hair across my forehead. I did not achieve my goal, but I did find my ~look~ .

On and off for the rest of my life, I have rocked, fought with, and hated my bangs. After all this time, I still don’t understand why — in most television and movies — a woman with bangs is assumed to be in a romantic transition.

My bangs gave me cheekbones when I was still dealing with teenage baby-face. They also hid my forehead breakouts (and they still do — who said acne was for the young?). I feel safe behind my bangs.

Whenever I have attempted to grow them out, I don’t feel like myself. Plus, I end up with all this hair in my face all the time. I don’t see the appeal.

Unfortunately, I feel that women like me are in short supply in the media.

In season nine of How I Met Your Mother, when Lily tries to help Robin find a new gal pal before leaving for Italy, Robin dismisses the woman with bangs in the bar because “Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don’t want to hear about.”

Speaking of Lily, she has bangs of her own in her flashbacks to college before she met Marshall and in high school when she was leaving Scooter (transitional periods for sure).

Queen of YouTube, Jenna Marbles, also mentions bangs in her video “What A Girl’s Hair Means.”  She says “Having bangs means I’m kinda at a weird time in my life right now.”


In addition, each of the Friends’ girls (Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica) have bangs during different transitional periods in their lives. Rory Gilmore even got herself some (fantastically cute!) bangs when she quit Yale and worked at the DAR. I’ve even seen many of my besties in real life go through the post-breakup bangs, to be grown out in shame and frustration for the next few months.


When I turned 25, I was trying to re-create myself. I dyed my normally very dark brown hair, changing it to platinum blonde, and I grew out my bangs. I was hoping to feel like the independent, confident, and sexy woman that many of my peers were embodying.

Instead, for the first time in my life, I noticed the size of my forehead. And OMG, are those worry lines?! In a way, my bangs are my security blanket. They are my real-life instagram filter. They hide the things I am most uncomfortable with and highlight my favorite traits (like my green eyes).

All I know is I love myself, and I love my bangs. Having bangs shouldn’t automatically mean you are “going through something.”

Having bangs is a commitment to keeping them trimmed, fussing with them in the morning when they are sticking straight up, and threatening to grow them out even though you give up after two weeks. Having bangs means you know what you like, even if it’s difficult, and you don’t mind investing some time and effort to make it work.

Having bangs means you are already in a relationship, with yourself.

Victoria Fetters (Vikkye) is a language loving pun artist and writer. She enjoys finding the joy and humor in life and turning it into stories for others — also eating chocolate cake at 3 a.m. by herself. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and on her website.

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