“I’m really much more of a Manic Pixie Nightmare Woman.”-@MandiHarris

“”I loved that selfie until I realized three hours later that it wasn’t as pretty…

“If someone proposed to me in Home Depot i’d be pissed.”-@amy_lombard

“”Hi, work? I can’t come in today because I just saw last night’s Breaking Bad.””-@annetdonahue

“Me wearing make up and actual clothes to class is like a rare and mythical…

“Word to the wise: if you decide to paint your nails & watch Breaking Bad,…

“Wow you’re cool! Can I come over and embarrass myself in front of you?”-@Brentweets

“The Only Person I Know at This Party is My Husband: The True Story of…

“My first response to any awkward situation is *downs whatever liquid is in front of…

“Oh, I do all the yoga I need when I shave the backs of my…

“Remember that time you put on your last seasons pants and they still fit? Ya,…

“How do people commit to tattoos that will be on their bodies for the rest…

“I really need to stop being so proud of myself for reheating a piece of…

“I’m pretty sure pizza was responsible for my last orgasm.”- ‏@senoritaquesita

“So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word…

“I’m testing you!” -the context of anything and everything I’ve ever said to a boyfriend…

“I’m wearing my swimsuit bottoms as underwear like some sort of sad superhero.”-@ShelbyFero

“My mother is constantly watching these dateline programs where spouses murder each other. I’m scared…

“Liking someone just sneaks up on you, throws a sack over your head and shoves…

“I have claw marks on my ass. Thanks, cat.”-@CaitTaylors