The finale of “American Horror Story: Roanoke” explains everything — uh, sort of

There are a lot of different places we could start with when it comes to the finale of American Horror Story: Roanoke. Like, do we start with the idea that “Roanoke Nightmare” is hailed in this alternate TV reality as *the most* popular show on television? Do we start with the fact that Lana Winters came back for like a hot ten seconds just to look into the camera and make Jim Halpert faces? Or do we just jump right in and talk about how with 20 minutes to go, AHS gave us ANOTHER SHOW-WITHIN-A-SHOW?

IDK. Maybe we should just talk about the conclusive end of the series, because everything else makes my head hurt right now. It turns out that Lee is not in fact the ~ultimate Roanoke survivor~.

It’s her daughter, Flora.

Jumping forward in time to present day, so 2016, Lee has been arrested and is first tried for the murders of everyone during “Return to Roanoke” (the charges don’t hold) and then for the murder of her husband (she’s found not guilty). Still trying to prove to the world that she’s a good person, she goes on the “Lana Winters Special” to try and explain, once and for all, what happened to her.

It doesn’t go well at all, because the last remaining Polk son is out for blood. He breaks into the area where they’re shooting the special and he starts shooting at the camera crew in hopes of killing Lee. Instead, this Polk is killed, and now the Polks are no more.

But don’t worry, Lana is FINE, and we’ll see you back next season! (We better)

Flora, though, is not fine because she’s gone missing. Again. She’s somehow made her way back to the Roanoke house (HOW??? She is a CHILD???) and has decided she wants to live there, forever, with Priscilla. Flora has a plan for Priscilla to kill her, so then the two of them can become ghosts and fight off the Butcher for all eternity.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Lana knows what you’re thinking, she knows. And her Jim Halpert face is ?.

Meanwhile, at the Roanoke Murder House, there’s now ANOTHER paranormal show filming there, “Spirit Chasers.” Lee shows up while they’re filming, because she’s figured out that’s where Flora is hiding. Lee, however, is too late to save the crew of “Spirit Chasers” because the spirits come out of the woodwork — literally! — and murder everyone inside the house. Those who make it outside are then immediately killed by the Roanoke colonists. Did I mention this episode of “Spirit Chasers” is filming during the Blood Moon? Of course it is!

Lee and Flora are still holed up in the house, though, and Flora refuses to leave — this causes the police and the SWAT teams to show up, assuming Lee is holding Flora hostage. Flora is free to leave, and Lee wants her to leave, however Flora has different ideas: As she not so subtly hints to her mom, Flora wants Priscilla to take her to Scáthach so she can eat a pig’s heart, or is just planning to have Priscilla kill her. This is Flora’s final decision, and she’s not budging.

After a mother-daughter heart-to-heart, it’s decided that Flora will leave the house and Lee will stay behind to look after Priscilla and fight off the Butcher until the end of days. They then blow the house up.

Last we see of Flora, she is leaving in the back of a cop car to go live with her grandparents. Lee, meanwhile, has Priscilla shoot her, so SHE can become a ghost, and the two of them walk hand-in-hand into the Roanoke night.

And then Ryan Murphy pops out and is like “Wasn’t that fun?” and we’re all like “Um, not really, we’ve got some questions…” but before we can get any questions out HE disappears into the night and we’re left wondering what the hell happened. JK, that part clearly did not happen, but the second part is true. What the hell just happened??

The Roanoke nightmare might be over, but MY GOSH, so many lingering Roanoke questions.