8 things you should probably stop saying to women who date women

The world we live in is far from perfect, but we’ve been making (slow) progress. Take, for example, the way we treat our LGBTQ family. Now more than ever, people are making the effort to understand different identities, orientations, and relationships — but there are still so many misconceptions. And we’re painfully aware of the fact that sometimes, straight people say some pretty dumb things to women who date women.

As more and more women are coming out and unapologetically claiming their sexuality, these women have experienced an overwhelming amount of questions and comments from uninformed straight people. Sometimes, these comments and questions come from a genuine place of curiosity and with pure intentions. But they can also be rude, thoughtless, and offensive.

While we’re sure most women would be open to responding to a respectful approach and genuine curiosity, there is a time and place for everything.

It’s a hard, heteronormative world for women who date women, so let’s make it a little easier by not saying these eight things — especially during Pride Month.

1But you’re so pretty!

For whatever reason, people seem to have this very distinct image in their minds of what women who date women are supposed to look like. This stereotypical view that only unattractive women turn to other women because no man would have them needs to be abandoned. And while we’re letting go of toxic thinking, let’s ease up on the patriarchy, too…it’s not all about you, dude. Women are beautiful and sexual orientation plays no role in that.

2So, which one of you is the guy?

Um, neither, that’s kind of the point…isn’t it? Heteronormative gender roles are outdated. A relationship between two women doesn’t follow the typical gender roles that are assigned by society; there is no “guy,” there are two women who thoroughly enjoy each other.

3It’s just a phase.

It’s beyond offensive to reduce someone’s entire sexual identity to a passing phase. No one should have to justify themselves to anyone else. Our identity is solely ours to define, and everyone is entitled to their own.

4How do you even have sex?

Apparently way better than heterosexual couples, according to a recent study — lesbians give women way more orgasms than men do. Also? It’s just none of your business. When was the last time you asked a straight couple how they had sex?

5Can I watch?

No. Infinity times no. This question usually comes from a straight man who has spent much time fetishizing lesbian relationships. Women who love women don’t exist purely for your consumption. So, no, you can’t watch.

6What about a threesome?

And you also can’t join. Tell us, can the man who just checked out your girlfriend join you two in the bedroom? Probably not.

7You just haven’t had sex with the right guy.

Yes. Because men can “fix” everything with their mighty penises. It’s ridiculous to assume a woman is in a relationship with a woman because she hasn’t found the “right” man or they “hate” men.

8But the bible says…

For as long as religion has existed, people have used it for their own gain — to justify wars, to make themselves feel better about their personal suffering, to make others feel bad about their lifestyles. But we like to think love trumps hate. Don’t use religion to invalidate someone’s life, because chances are they’ve struggled enough and definitely don’t need your judgment.

Hopefully this list will help you the next time you interact with a woman who dates other women. Maybe just treat them like, you know, the normal human beings they are.