7 Ways You Should Never Dump Someone
So by now you’ve probably seen this:
Basically a teen dumped his girlfriend over Instagram. Which I just find shocking.
#TransformationTuesday is a thing?! Here I was counting down the days for #ThrowbackThursday like some sad girl waiting by the phone on a Saturday night, when there are other themed Instagram days I am missing out on?!
Kidding.
But seriously, This is just terrible. Not only did he publically humiliate her on Instagram (and it looks like she didn’t see it coming), but he also dumped her with a hashtag. A. Hash. Tag. That’s light-years worse than Carrie’s break-up post-it note from Berger.
I, too, think Sex & The City characters are real people/my friends. The note says, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me-” Well at least it’s handwritten.
I’ve always been a believer that the only appropriate way to dump someone is in person. And if and only if in person is not an option (for example he’s in China), then over the phone is acceptable or better yet through Facetime or Skype (A.K.A. ways to use technology to not be a jerk). But I get it. There’s a lot of grey area out there in the age of social media. So let me help you out: Here are ways you should NEVER dump someone:
1. On Spotify
Personalized playlists are a great way to tell someone you love them. Nothing says I want to spend the next three to nine months of my life with you like a carefully curated track list. But you can also tell someone “this is over,” by putting together an array of songs that you hope gives them the message (don’t do that). Like Bob Dylan’s “It’s All Over Now Baby Blue,” Queen’s “I Want To Break Free,” or T-Pain’s “I’m in Love with A Stripper.” DON’T DO THIS. I’m saying Spotify because I don’t want to sound ancient by suggesting a CD. I did have an ex who made me a mix CD with really sad and depressing music. A month later we broke up.
2. On Facebook
The problem with being in a Facebook relationship is, what do you do when you break-up? When you change your status to single, EVERYONE, including your Aunt Doris is going to see it. So make sure you break-up with your beau in person before you do digital dump. Please.
3. On Twitter
I’m kidding. I don’t have a boyfriend.
But don’t do a break-up tweet. Just don’t. At least the Instragram Dumper posted a picture of his ex and spent time doing the “transformation” collage. Twitter would be just terrible. Because you only put in 140 characters (or less!) of thought into it. Also public humilation. Just don’t.
4. With Emojis
What are you doing?! No! I don’t know about you, but I spend hours decoding what emojis mean from a guy. If a guy broke up with me via emojis, it would take me a week to know it’s over.
5. In The Sky
Apparently, skywriting to the one you love is a thing? I think if he has to write “I love you,” in the sky, he’s probably cheating on you. (But maybe I’m just being bitter). It could be worse. He could dump you in the sky like NAB did. Whatever. His name was NAB, you’re so much better off, Girl!
6. An Indecent Proposal
Like what happened to Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. You’ve been dating for over a year. He takes you out to a really nice dinner and says he wants to ask you something. You assume it’s your hand in marriage, and just as you’re about to say, “I do.” He says, “I think we should see other people.” Don’t do this. Pick a more private setting, please.
7. Opening Up Your OkCupid Account While Your Significant Other is Sitting Next To You.
Oh. Yeah. My ex actually did this.
Bottom line is there’s more ways than ever to dump someone today. And thanks to the internet, your dump could go viral. So come on. At one point you loved this person or liked them a lot. Let them down easy. Face to face, privately, and without hashtags.
What are some other ways you should never break-up with someone?
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