7 times when every grown-ass woman knows to take a break from dating

Dating is fun, or at least, it can be when it’s not an unmitigated nightmare parade of the worst of humanity. You meet new people, you feel good about yourself, maybe you get laid. But there are also times when you need to take a break from dating and hang out with yourself. Taking a break from dating is a lot like quitting carbs: It can make you less bloated, and it’s hard, especially if you’ve been using dating and sex to avoid some of your own problems.

But you really should take advantage of a break to work on some of your stuff.

Instead of filling up your time with bad Tinder dates and worrying about whether a partner you don’t even really like is going to text you back, you can do literally anything else. Maybe that’s finally getting the job you really want, or working on your anxiety about staying in on the weekends with just yourself. Maybe you want to quit drinking or start writing a novel. Seriously, you can get a lot of stuff done when you’re not worried about romance.

Here are some of the times every grown-ass woman knows to take a break from dating.

1When you’re on the rebound.

Yes, there are people out there who believe that finding another person is the best way to get over an ex. That might work once in a while, but if you are super hung up on your ex and still missing them, work on getting over them first. Mourn the relationship, cry at stupid rom-coms, eat all the potato chips. Going through your feelings instead of around them is good for you, we promise. You can go get yourself some sex (by all means, boo), but you are not allowed to jump into another relationship with another dud.

2If you’re getting involved with all of your dates.

If you’re going on tons of dates you found online and getting totally wrapped up in each and every one, you’re definitely looking for a relationship… too hard. Falling in love with every person who bats their eyelashes at you might be a sign that you’re actually looking for something else other than the Right Person. Maybe figure out what that thing is and work it out before dragging more people down another emotional path with you.

3When you’re faking, well, everything.

Do you find yourself telling dates that your job is cooler than it is? Or that your friends are throwing killer parties all the time, when really, most of them are too busy to even get a coffee? Lying to dates is not a good way to go (and likely won’t work out well). Maybe instead of pretending you have a job you don’t hate, you should go out and get a job you don’t hate. Or work on the other relationships in your life, at least, before diving into a new one.

4If you’re panicking.

If you’re scared that you’re going to die old and alone and are frantically dating so you can find someone to marry, stop. Please, stop worrying. It’s going to happen, but not if you force it. Do you even like these people? Try not investing all of your energy into a relationship at this very moment and spend it on improving your level of happiness in other areas of your life instead.

5If you’re fixing the same problems all the time.

Are you always broke and complaining about it? Have crazy anxiety? Or spend more days than not working on a hangover? You don’t want to spend one more second of your grown-ass life in whatever crazy cycle you’re caught up in. Work on your stuff so that you’re next relationship will be so much better than the others you’ve had.

6You have a “type,” and it’s not good.

If you keep accepting crappy partners who aren’t nice to you, aren’t really that sexually attracted to, or that  your friends and family don’t like, you need to take a break. Stop settling just because you like being someone’s other half. You want a better half.

7It’s your only hobby.

Are you swiping all day, every day? Go on dates, like, every single night? Knock it off. If getting drinks and falling in love is your only hobby, you should take a breather. Find a few other hobbies, and practice some self-care, and then get back to dating.