6 subtle signs your relationship isn’t going too fast *or* too slow

It can be hard to convince yourself that you’re doing the right thing — especially when it comes to love. Too much worrying can be bad for your health, but it’s crazy natural to wonder if your relationship is on the right track. We’ve all been burned before and will usually do whatever it takes to protect ourselves. But sometimes we don’t even know when we have a good thing, though there are signs that your relationship is moving just right — and not too fast or too slow — that you should revel in.

Good love is hard to find, so when you got it, enjoy it.

It really is all about finding that sweet spot. Far too often, we fall fast and hard for someone and let things kinda get away from us, or we stay in a relationship that’s not going anywhere. We’re not judging — these things happen to everyone.

But sometimes, some random, lovely times, we get ourselves into relationships that are juuuuuust right. Here’s how to know you’ve finally got this thing down.

1You take breaks.

One huge sign that things are moving too fast is when you can’t spend even a night away from each other. But a sustainable relationship involves not being so far up someone’s you-know-what that they can’t move. This comes from both directions. But if you and your partner are able to spend time away from each other and then happily reconvene and pick up right where you left off… Yeah, that’s the good stuff.

2You know how to fight.

Or even just disagree with each other in a healthy way. Knowing how to fight with a partner is key to long-lasting happiness, so if every disagreement you have is THE END OF THE WORLD or there’s a fight that keeps happening and you’re not changing or learning from it, that’s a pretty bad sign. You’ll know things are just right when fights lead to progress and better behavior, or when you can be mad at someone while still also knowing that you love them.

3You talk about things before doing them.

There are no plans you two make that aren’t thoroughly discussed first. If you two are working on the same calendar and know what you’re getting into — whether it’s a brunch with the family or someone’s birthday party or a vacation — that’s a very important sign that you’re communicating well. Later, when you start making bigger relationship decisions (like moving in together or getting married!), you’ll already have a lot of practice being on the same page and knowing how to work on things together.

4You know what each other wants.

If some random person came up to on the street and asked you what your S.O. wants from your relationship and you could answer pretty confidently, that’s a great sign. Knowing where your relationship is heading is a sign that you two are doing it the right way.

5They fit into your life.

A long-term relationship is only going to work if it makes sense. It’s not like you two have to be entirely perfect together, but there are other signs to look for to make sure relationship isn’t moving too fast or too slow. If your friends and family aren’t worried? Good sign! If your S.O. respects your career and goals? Woo hoo! Relationships that get stagnant or run away from you won’t feel this way.

6It’s not about *one* thing.

If your relationship is moving too fast, you could be stuck in the honeymoon stage. When your love turns back into a pumpkin after the marathon sex and romantic getaways, there really might be nothing left. Likewise, we stay in relationships too long for SO MANY REASONS, like being bad at being alone or really (really) not wanting to move out of an apartment we love, but when your relationship is at the right pace, there are lots of reasons why you’re together, as opposed to just reasons not to break up. Make sure you’re hitting at least a few of those marks before you call it the real deal.

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