Technological Signs That You’re Finally Over Your Ex
The bonbons have run out. The Notebook is due back at Redbox. The bottles of wine are empty and you’ve suspended your Twitter account to keep from tweeting something passive-aggressive. Every cliché you can think of has occurred, then recurred, then occurred again for the 19th time. Ad nauseum. Times infinity.
And now, suddenly, blessedly, you find yourself retiring the sweatpants and resentment because—gasp—you are (mostly) over your breakup. Cue a mashup of Ariana Grande’s, Problem and Shania Twain’s Man, I Feel Like a Woman.
Now, in this instance some may look to their therapist, or BFF to make sure this monumental victory is actually happening. But who needs people when you have technology? That’s right, there are a few tell-tale signs in your digital life that will determine whether or not you’re on the brink of putting lipstick back on and Frenching a stranger this weekend. A couple of key—but often overlooked—habit changes will reaffirm what you probably already know: your heart will go on, dammit.
1. Your Spotify/Pandora stations are no longer tear factories
There was a time in your break-up process when you couldn’t listen to anything but weepy, broken-hearted love songs. Once upon a dumped time, you reveled in the melodic mush-makers and let yourself sink into the lyrics like you did in the countless bubble baths your friends told you to take. I believe the term “Hurts so good” is apropos for this. But now, you change the station from “Bon Iver” to “David Guetta” without even realizing you’re doing it. Look at you, Happy Pants!
2. Your ex’s phone number is back (yes back!) in your contacts
Upon immediate break up, it feels really good to “delete” your ex’s phone number so as to remove any temptation to be in contact. But we both know that you either have it memorized or—thanks to iMessage—never actually erased it to begin with. There’s a subtle change in the air when you can reprogram it back in (you may need to call this person sometime for something) knowing that it’s not as tempting or devastating as it once was.
3. You stop checking your ex’s Facebook and Twitter and Instagram accounts daily, nay, hourly.
You wake up one day, and suddenly, you lack the compulsion to see what concert they went to last night, who retweeted them, or who was writing flirtatious things on their wall. Guess what? You have other things to do, finally. Bravo!
4. Gmail stops suggesting adding your ex to your mass emails
That’s right, the geniuses at Google like to prompt “Add: ______ ?” when you’re composing a witty summary of the latest Bachelor episode to your closest 14 friends, or getting everyone together for Rib Fest. Since this someone-who-shall-not-be-named used to be included, the Google machine wants to be friendly and helpful and make sure you don’t leave said person out. But today, yes today, your email recognizes a new norm and, if it knows what’s good for it, it should suggest that new crush to add to your happy hour listserv. Blessed be recovery!
If you nodded your head or raised your fist in solidarity to at least two of these technology heart-indicators, then congratulations and welcome back to society. You are over your breakup. Now get back out there and do it all over again!